Dust || Yoon Jeonghan

Incomplete context

"HE DID WHAT?"

just by hearing the disbelief in hara's voice, i could tell that jeonghan is lucky, we aren't in korea. hara would've driven to the location and smacked his pretty face otherwise.

"chill he was drunk"

"so what?"

"people can't control themselves when they are drunk hara"

"that's just an excuse. they do exactly what they want to do because they lose the ability to resist."

i felt a pang in my heart, my conscience shouting insults at me as i registered hara's words. i have always trusted her opinions more than anyone else in this world. she is the one that saves me from the impulsive nature i was born with. at this point she is necessary for me to survive.

i told her about the conversation with wonwoo and her low hum told me that she had a lot to say. i have been thinking about it a lot as well. there's no doubt there are feelings. maybe it's because i miss not being lonely. or maybe i do still love him.

but i was the one who broke up with him. isn't it pathetic to still like him after more than an year?

"i don't understand you arin. first you seemed really done with him. you told me he was ignoring you and it was hurting you. so i encouraged you to break up with him but it seems as if you still like that guy? you aren't the kind to look back after making a choice than what's different this time?"

i gulped thanking the heavens that it wasn't a video call. i don't want my hesitation to be obvious. 

if i think hard about it, i am sure i will know the answer to hara's question but i don't think i want to know. 

i used to love joshua just as much but i managed to cease my feelings for him but not for jeonghan because the way both situations ended was so different. my anger for joshua fueled my attempts to move on. but for jeonghan, there was only regret and .. guilt.

"i don't know hara. perhaps i can't erase my feelings for jeonghan. you know everything was different with him."

"he surely is different for thinking you cheated on him when you were the one who left his ungrateful ass" hara scoffed and the sarcasm in her voice made it clear what her stance was. 

when i just hummed instead of replying enthusiastically like usual, she clicked her tongue.

"what's going on arin? you aren't the kind to hold back then why aren't you confronting them? it's getting frustrating you know."

"i don't want to hara. it would disrupt my peace."

"shouldn't it be the other way? how can you sleep peacefully knowing there are lies circulating about you."

who said i sleep peacefully?

when was the last time i was at peace? it's either arrogant seniors shitting on my day or ignorant juniors rotting my brain. i am either working or - well working. there's no time left to think. i make sure of that.

"i know it's stupid but it's been so long since then. now i would rather regret not clearing things up then crawl into that mess all over again."

"SONG ARIN? are you out of your mind? are you hanging out with too many old men these days?"

i chuckled and nodded my head even though she can't see, slight beads of moisture appearing on my eyes as i looked out of the window in my room. it was still dark outside and if i manage to fall asleep soon, i may get a few hours of sleep before soojin beats the hell out of my door once again.

"too many old men with retreating hairlines."

i replied and hara scoffed in amusement. to be honest i miss the old times. back when seungkwan was still my friend. when jeonghan and joshua would tease me until i exploded. we were young and careless. perhaps too careless because everything went downhill from there. if instead of hiding our feelings and making rash decisions we communicated maturely, maybe everything would've been different right now. 

i regret letting the walls build up between us and yet, i still keep living the same exact way and the walls are only getting taller. 

wonwoo was right, perhaps this is the last time i will see them. and even if we meet at a show again after 10 years, it won't be the same.

for starters, i will be wearing thick glasses and a messy bun. scowling at my juniors as the main director. 

hara and i dropped the topic and i ranted about my coworkers to her. it was a fun exchange until hara said she had to hang up. i whined a little but agreed to let her go eventually.

"one last thing arin. is there anything you haven't told me?"

my smile dropped at her grave voice which was laced with suspicion and a hint of threat. 

"why would i hide anything from you?"

she chuckled and i felt relief wash over me. there's nothing more important to me than her trust. that's the only thing i have left.

"that's not what i meant. i feel as if i lack context and perceptions can be twisted without proper context you know?"

"y-yeah. you're right. but believe me, i have told you everything you should know."

"okay then. bye ari~"

"bye love"

:o Cookie: Jeonghan was always curious about who hara was since in all of his time of dating arin, he had never seen arin meeting hara face to face and yet hara seemed to be a part of all their arguments as arin shared everything with her which annoyed him.

A/N: i don't think i am doing a good job with dust T-T but i am trying to pull the story together T-T

i appreciate suggestions so feel free to drop what kind of scenes you want to see :)