Dust || Yoon Jeonghan

Happiness

"ms. song?" 

i furrowed my brows as someone tapped my shoulder waking me up from the peaceful nap. i hadn't realized when i asleep as i sat alone on the 2 people seat. soojin had switched buses while i remained in the old one. 

the person was one of the interns. he tapped my shoulder from far away as if i was a fire cracker that could burst any moment. it wasn't difficult to deduce that he was forced to deal with me by his seniors.

"are we there?" i asked stretching my arms above my head. when he didn't answer i turned my gaze towards him. he looked dazed and i waved my hand in front of his eyes. he blinked as his eyes refocused and panic settled in.

"sorry mam, what did you say?"

"are we there?"

"y-yes. you are the only one left to exit the bus."

i nodded gesturing for him to go as i gathered my stuff. as my feet touched the soft snow, i heaved a sigh. the place looked like heaven itself. 

the smooth folds of hills were covered with snow that glistened like crystals in the sunlight. there was only white as far as eyes could see, only rarely interrupted by a green of vegetation or brown of wooden cabins. 

i hate this place already.

it looks so much like the place i was born in.

while everyone got ready for the hike, i only wore my overcoat and sat on a bench, leaning my head on a tree as i kept my eyes closed. sleeping is better than living. at least i know that the nightmare will end eventually.

and somewhere in my dreams, jeonghan will hold my hand and confess his love again. and that would be the best feeling in the world.

...

"noona!"

i woke up with a jolt as dk shook my whole body. "calm down" i requested feeling as if my whole insides had been turned upside down. he muttered a sorry before sitting beside me. i looked around and realized that no one else was outside. i was the only idiot sitting in the cold. 

"i don't think we will get any other chance to talk"

i tried hard to focus on his words but my eyes remained droopy even though i wasn't tired at all. i guess they just wanted to close.

"yeah.. what do you want to talk about?"

"look i don't know what exactly happened since they didn't want to share it, but jeonghan hyung find out about whatever you did a few months before your breakup and he and shua hyung fought a lot in that period."

a few months??

i gulped as the timeline registered in my brain. 

so, he already believed that i had cheated on him. is that why he had started acting so strange and indifferent? because he believed i had betrayed him?

"everyone wanted jeonghan to talk to you and end the conflict inside the team but he refused to do that."

"why?"

if he had just accused me back then i could've defended myself. none of this would've happened. not even our break up. i grasped my temple as a pain shot through it. this is too much to take in a single day. 

"he said it would get awkward between you two if he confronted you and he didn't want to let go of you even if that meant he had to suffer alone."

i lowered my head, holding it with my hands as tears escaped and landed on the pavement like rain drops. 

why didn't you just tell me jeonghan? why didn't  you care to even consider the possibility that it wasn't what you believed?

i made so many wrong decisions that neither jeonghan nor eunwoo trusted me enough to give me a chance to explain myself.

can i ever go back to how i used to be? the girl who was full of dreams and ambitions, who just wanted to become independent but instead i got lost in the chaos. i let myself be carried by the storms and they drifted me away from every thing i held close to my heart.

"but- he didn't tell me any of this"

"that's why i was surprised because he told us that he told you long before the break up. but i guess it was a lie. he refused to talk about his break up and we assumed he was the one who cut ties with you."

"no. i... i left him."

i finally had more information but instead of feeling relieved, it just made my heart feel heavier. i turned towards dk with a skeptical look.

"do you believe that i cheated on him too?"

he averted his eyes and that was enough confirmation. i scoffed at my destiny. everything is so fucking great.

"and who told you so? kim mingyu?" 

dk's expression turned to a more apprehensive one as i raised my voice without realizing. seeing the hurt in his eyes, i took a deep breath to calm myself down. 

"sorry. i am just overwhelmed." i managed to say and he just hummed in response, looking everywhere but at me.

my eyes softened as i stared at his side profile. all he wanted was to help me. despite believing that i was at fault, despite his fear of causing arguments in his group again, he still came here just for me. 

"thanks." his eyes widened as if he had never expected me to thank him. dk looked at me and a silent understanding passed between us.

"thankyou so much seokmin." 

and even though i usually refrain from such things, i still circled my arms around his broad frame, hugging him lightly. dk hesitated but he hugged me back and it felt as if for a brief moment i was back to being the 23 year old bouncing with happiness on getting a good idea for the show.

"noona.. i hope you find your happiness."

:o Cookie: 
 joshua regretted letting go of arin immediately but by the time he got the nerve to take his words back, arin was already gone from the restaurant with scoups.