Dust || Yoon Jeonghan

True story

"i saw you arin." mingyu spoke to me. "twice."

i turned to joshua trying to see what it was all about it but he intentionally avoided my eyes. mingyu was the one who kept saying i was a cheater. even jeonghan didn't say it. 

can't believe i used to have him as my wallpaper.

i wanted to just bury myself in the snow and forget everything. the gazes on me were taking too much energy out of me. i felt exhausted and if i had the power to do so, i would just go to sleep and never wake up. it's too tiring to always be the only one on my side.

"then say it." i said flatly. "aren't you the one who told eunwoo everything?"

"don't blame me. i didn't know he would go and date you."

"alright." i folded my hands in front of my chest. "come to the point unless you want to roll down on your journey to be the biggest snowman."

mingyu scoffed. "you never change."

i guess i really don't change. but fuck it. if i am the villain then let it be so.

"i saw you arin. after the new year party" mingyu said and my heart dropped. just by the tone of his voice i could tell he misunderstood everything.

"i have seen you kiss joshua"

"joshua was the one who kissed me" i stated firmly.

"but did you resist?" mingyu questioned, his voice was calm but intimidating. if i had any survival sense then i would've been scared.

"and weren't you the one who was telling joshua to hide it from jeonghan and pretend nothing ever happened between you two. weren't you the one to guilt trip him into doing whatever you wanted even though it was hurting him?"

now he was speaking in a fast pace. just like a lawyer who knew that he was going to win the case. i tilted my head in surprise as the word 'guilt trip' ringed in my ears. i guess image really matters. mingyu believes joshua can never do anything wrong so it must be me.

"that's what your story is?" i couldn't help but feel amused. it was fascinating because even i was no longer sure if my side of the story was right. everyone had interpreted the same set of events so differently.

"joshua is the victim. jeonghan is the victim and i am the root of all your problems?" i scoffed at the story but i felt hopeless. 

there's no happy ending to this mess.

"why is that it's always the woman who is blamed for breaking friendships? did i ask them to fall for me? did i ask joshua to leave me only to never actually move on? did i ask to be kissed? yes i didn't resist. that was my mistake but why should i carry all the blame alone?"

i said it all in one breath. there was no point in going over the words in my head. i just wanted to pour it all out and if i was wrong then i wished someone would correct me.

"you aren't sorry at all are you? joshua has gotten his fair share of shit arin. i trusted you but you don't even seem guilty for all the secrets you were keeping." scoups questioned arching his brow as if to challenge me.

"just because i don't fancy being called a cheater doesn't mean i am not sorry"

"but that's what you are." he said without any hesitation. "you toyed with us for years when all you care about is yourself. joshua and i did whatever you said without a second thought because you didn't want to lose jeonghan but then you proceeded to break up with him when he was at his lowest, trying his best to give you a second chance."

he unconsciously stepped forward, eyes boring into me with hurt and a sense of betrayal and i stepped back, intimidated by his powerful aura that was now looming over me.