Forget me not

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i couldn't sleep.

as soon as we arrived, soojin and i were checked by the medical team and sent to rest. i was informed that seventeen shot the episode even though it was late at night. they made a bonfire and talked to each other like they were supposed to and the mood got a lot more sentimental than anyone could've expected from them.

apparently jeonghan even cried after joshua wrote a especially heart warming letter for him and they hugged each other.

at least the show had a happy ending.

i could still hear a fire cackling outside. and the storm had calmed hours ago. now there was a thick silence broken only by the occasional sound of twigs breaking and the remnants of a bonfire.

this was the last day. 

i sighed and finally got up, giving up on sleeping. soojin was sleeping soundly on the other side of the room we were sharing. i threw on a coat and walked out, the freezing air hitting my face immediately. rubbing my hands together, i sat down on a bench near the still smoldering fire. the warmth eased my shivering hands and i felt a little bit better as i stared at the ever changing shape of the flame.

i had a lot of thoughts on my mind. i wanted to start from the beginning and it is a long way to go. maybe i will never get any better but maybe i will learn to live a life i don't regret. however long it takes, it's a journey that i have to see through.

i was lost in my thoughts when a sound pulled me out of it. i turned back and saw him standing still looking directly at me.

how long was he there for?

he walked towards me slowly with his hands in the pockets of his jacket and sat down beside me on the bench. i was watching him but he kept his eyes at the fire. it's reflection shined in his eyes like stars.

"i have heard it's easy to be honest at night" he started with a rather random sentence and i chuckled softly. hearing me laugh, jeonghan finally turned to look at me and a small smile tugged on his lips.

"you should always be happy." he said his voice barely above a whisper. "you look beautiful when you smile."

"someone said the only pretty thing about me is my face" i said smiling although it made my heart ache to recall seungcheol's harsh words.

"i am sorry if i disappointed you arin but i didn't want to give you false hope. we both need to find our own peace. separately."

he said and i looked down at my feet. for a while, none of us said anything. jeonghan took my hand from my lap and placed it between us with his hand on top. we sat silently under the moonlit night, taking in each other's presence as time kept slipping away. there was so much i wanted to tell him.

i realized i never told him how beautiful his eyes were. the way they were sharp and soft at the same time just like his personality and the way they seemed to sparkle every time he was happy. i admired all those little moments so much.

but now those words didn't mean anything.

"once we find our peace. then what?" i asked him, my gaze had now shifted to the ethereal moon and the stars scattered across the black canvas of the sky. the storm had left a crystal clear view of the heavens and i realized i had never seen this many stars before.

it was so much more beautiful than the grey sky in the city. 

it was frighteningly beautiful.

"the stars remind me of you." jeonghan said as if he had read my mind. "too beautiful to not love and surrounded by too much darkness to not get afraid."

i turned my head to look at him at the last word. he was gazing at the sky with a soft angelic smile adorning his face.

"but i am just a human arin, i am scared of getting lost in the night." he turned and our eyes met. "maybe if it was a little bit brighter, i won't find it so hard."

he wants me to make it easier for him to love me.

"jeonghan" his name slipped out so easily through my lips, as if i had never stopped saying it. "i will try my best but i may never succeed."

"then i will wait for you." he said it so easily, i shook my head amused by his perseverance. 

"i miss you" i said weakly, dropping my head as my eyes became glossy. 

"i am right here though" he tried to joke but i shook my head again. 

"you are missing from me" i rephrased and jeonghan looked away as he realized what i meant. he got up and my heart dropped thinking that he was going to leave but he turned to me with a smile and offered his hand. i took his hand hesitantly and he pulled me up. 

"should i give you a piece of me?" he smirked playfully and i was perplexed because the mood was so serious just now. he caressed my cheek gently and very slowly started to lean in. his warm breath fanned my face as he paused just a feather's width away.

"yes or no." he asked firmly.

"yes" 


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