Dust || Yoon Jeonghan

Come clean

"it's about me and arin."

the way he said it, as if he was revealing something shameful made my stomach twist but i tried to prevent myself from assuming anything. joshua and arin are best friends, they must have fought again.

"i was just talking to arin" i tried to sound casual. "did something happen?"

joshua took a deep breath as if the words were sucking the energy out of him. "i am sorry for not telling you about it until now" he started and i stared at him without blinking. "but i have feelings for her"

my heart dropped at his confession. nothing would change even if joshua likes arin but it might be the possessive man in me that wanted my eyes to be the only one who can appreciate her and joshua having feelings for my girlfriend made me feel furious even though i didn't show it.

"it's alright just forget it" i said through gritted teeth but joshua didn't look like he was done talking. i closed my eyes and sighed in frustration, gesturing for him to continue with my hand.

"jeonghan" he called softly and i opened my eyes to look at him even though i didn't want to see his face. 

i never had feelings for his girlfriends, then why can't he do the same? 

"i liked her before you started dating. we fell for her at the same time."

almost 3 years ago? "and you are telling me this now?" i asked struggling to hide the annoyance in my voice.

"just listen please" he requested and i leaned back to ease my tense muscles. 

"when the three of us were close, i developed feelings for her at the same time as you and arin felt the same way for me."

hearing her name from his mouth made my heart feel heavy. shock, anger and confusion weighing over it like a heavy cage. how did they manage to keep me in the dark for so long? i shook my head in denial.

"you're kidding me right?" 

"i am sorry jeonghan. i shouldn't have kept this from you at all. i didn't -" his voice was laced with guilt and regret. 

"tell me everything" i snapped.

"we went on a few dates in secret. that night when all of us were at a rooftop restaurant, arin and i were planning to go somewhere alone so that i could confess."

my mind was racing. the plot changing in my mind with each new piece of information. i tried to piece it all together and it made me feel so stupid to think of that night when i was flirting with her without knowing that she already had feelings for someone and it wasn't me.

is that why arin didn't tell me? because i was so head over heels for her that it would have been embarrassing?

"but when i saw the way you looked at her, i realized that you loved her too"

"don't tell me you left her for me" i said sharply but his silence spoke volumes. she only ever gave me a chance because joshua left her. i chuckled bitterly and joshua broke eye contact, only then did i notice how red and swollen his under eyes were.

"there's more right?" i asked and joshua gulped nervously as he nodded.

"seungcheol knew about it too." 

i rubbed my temple as he dropped another bomb. 

what the fuck is going on?

i felt so betrayed that i couldn't even make sense of it anymore. scoups, joshua and arin. three people that i trusted the most in the world and all three of them were keeping things from me for years without batting an eye. they shattered my trust and it was making me doubt my own self. how many lies do i believe without a second thought? i don't know anymore.