Galaxy of War || A clone wars fanfiction

Chapter 44

I've been trained under Master Yoda for the past two weeks. It's different from what I'm used to with Master Kenobi. Very different. Speaking of Master Kenobi, he came across my new room with my things he kept from when I left after a few days. That also includes my old lightsaber. It feels wrong now. Not like my own. I have barely used it, we haven't really trained in these two weeks. Instead we have focused on me connecting with the light side of the force. Every day me and Master Yoda have deep meditations and conversations about my feelings, to ensure that I don't let them take over. I haven't talked to Anakin and Ahsoka since I came back, not once. I've seen the three of them in the halls, they always send longing looks after me, hurt in their eyes. At least they have each other. They remind me too much of my life before everything happened. And a part of me hasn't forgiven them for not telling me about Obi-Wan being alive.

The pain from my nerves are still there. I've spent countless nights in the library searching through the entire database for anything that could help with my pain, but nothing. I'm beginning to realize that maybe there is no cure, nothing to relieve me of this suffering. After moving out of the medical room, I was moved into a single room. Since my new master is the Grandmaster, we couldn't share quarters like I used to with Master Kenobi. I had a both mental and physical collapse during the first few days of staying in my new room. I was changing my clothes in the refresher, and I accidentally caught a glimpse of my shoulder in the mirror. I couldn't help myself, and even though I had promised to not look at it even though I now had a mirror, I looked. It was horrible. On the back of my right shoulder, there's a mark that looks almost like a ball of lightning. As I already knew, it went down my right arm, but it also goes down my spine, almost entirely down to where my bottom begin. I ended up in the same medical room for another day. Then my mirror got taken away, not that it mattered, it was too late. I had already seen it. I'm free to wander around on my own, but I can feel every single Jedi Master keeping an eye on me wherever I go. But hey, at least my door isn't locked.

It took some time before I changed out of the medical top, I liked how it covered my arm. But just as I was about to decide to keep it on forever, a new long sleeved top appeared on my bed after a meditation session. I have no idea who it was from, I asked Master Yoda if he knew, but he just shook his head and waddled away. We don't talk that much, but it's never awkward. It's always a comfortable silence. But I've never really felt lonelier. I'm used to constantly being around the other three, there was never a quiet moment, and never a moment to be alone. But at the same time, I keep pushing people away. I know that I shouldn't, but I can't help it. No one really understand me, and they will probably just tell me to grow up and get over it. But I can't do that. Some people have tried to talk to me, just to small talk. I used to be a little awkward, but I liked to talk to people. Now I just run the other way. The same way with physical touch. Hugs were something that brought me comfort. Now, I haven't had a single person touch my since Obi-Wan grabbed my arm to stop me from leaving. Touch brings me back into that room, into that torture. A part of me is still terrified that this is just another one of Sidious' scenarios where I trust people I care about, just for them to end up stabbing me in my back and killing me. In the most painful ways. Beside that I'm still kinda living in this shell, hiding a part of me. It's the part of me that I don't want me or others to see. But it's also the part of me that feels. The one that feels the most pain, happiness and joy. I'm more numb than I thought possible. But better numb than feeling everything.

"With me, walk," Master Yoda offers and I nod my head before following him. "An old enemy returned has." Of me? I don't think I really have any enemies. Obviously people that hate me and want me dead, but enemies? "Of your previous master." Master Kenobi? What old enemies does he have? Then it hits me.