Finding Her Joy

Bedtime Blues

*A/N- I'm so sorry. I meant to upload this an hour ago, but I've been kinda tested about other stuff and not sleeping very well, so I ended up falling asleep. I swear Charlotte, the imaginary nursery, and this fanfic are the only things getting me through it right now. Enough about me, happy reading. Enjoy!

(MIA POV)
I was woken up by my phone nonstop buzzing next to me. It must have been going off for a while because when I picked it up, I had 4 missed calls and 3 voicemails.

Two of the missed calls were from Roger, along with two of the voicemails. He was yelling at me to answer. Asking me why I turned on him in the meeting. He even made some threats on my life, but I didn't really care. I knew he wouldn't go through with it. The man was an abuser for sure, but a killer? Definitely not. He wouldn't even hire someone else to do it for him because it would cost him too much. The man loved his fortune.

The other missed call and voicemail were from Charlotte. I couldn't help but smile seeing it was from her. I checked the time and saw that she had only just called a couple of minutes ago. Before calling her back, I listened to her message.

"Um. Hey, Mia. It's Charlotte. What am I saying? Of course you know it's me because you have caller ID." She was so nervous. It was absolutely adorable. "I'm not even sure why I'm calling. I was just thinking about yo- WHAT YOU SAID! Not you! Oh God. I really hope you don't check your messages." Then it ended.

"Well, now I have to call her back." I said to myself, dialing her number and putting the phone to my ear.

It rang twice, and then she answered, "Hello?" She asked.

"Hello, Sweetheart. You called?" I said back.

Charlotte sighed out of embarrassment. "So you saw that? Is there any chance you didn't listen to your voicemail?" I could tell she already knew the answer.

"I did, but just to the part where you said you were thinking about me." My smile was bigger than before, and I let out a slight chuckle.

"Oh, great. So you heard the whole thing? I'm sorry. I shouldn't have called. You were probably sleeping, and even though you said you weren't mad, you probably still don't want to talk to me, and -" She was just rambling. I could've listened to her go on for hours. Even when she was nervous, her voice had a calming effect on me. She was just so soft-spoken all the time. It was so nice to just listen to her.

"I'm happy you called, really. I'm more curious for WHY you decided to call me, though. Is everything alright?" I propped myself up more with a pillow.

"What? No. Everything's fine." Her voice was high-pitched. Charlotte was definitely hiding something.

"Char, what's wrong?" I didn't want to push her too hard, but she wouldn't call if everything was fine.

"You're just the only one who knows... I can't call anyone else and tell them I'm upset because, for some reason, I can't bring myself to tell anyone." She was getting choked up and had to stop for a second to breathe. "The girls are at their dad's tonight, and I just keep finding myself drowning in the silence around me."

"I see. Not used to being alone yet?" I asked.

"I used to be fine with being home alone, but I don't know. Something about it now. It just... it feels..."

"Different?" I said, finishing her sentence. "I get it. You spend so much time with someone that you get used to their presence all the time. Then, when they leave, you have to adjust to them not being there anymore. It's harder than people say it is."

"Exactly." She said, letting out a deep breath. "I didn't think anyone would understand. I honestly thought you would say it was dumb or I wasn't making any sense."

If only I was with her to make her feel better. "I could never say that to you. If it were anyone else, I wouldn't hesitate. But not you. It actually makes perfect sense."

We sat in silence for a few minutes just taking each other in. I could never just sit on the phone with someone. It would make me so uncomfortable. If it was with her, I could do it for the rest of my life.

She wanted to speak but kept hesitating. I think she was trying to find the right words. "Did you mean what you said earlier? I mean, when you said you would come back for me?" She was quiet, unsure of if she should've asked.

"I meant every word." I told her in the most reassuring tone I had. "I have some things to settle first, and then I promise I'll come for you. If you'll have me, that is?"

I think I surprised her because she couldn't seem to get any words to come out. I don't know what it is, but I just love how nervous I make her.

"It's getting late. I think I should go to bed." She didn't really want to go, "You were probably in the middle of something, and I interrupted. I'd hate to be a bother."

"You could never bother me. If you really need to go, you can, or we could just stay on the phone for a while longer if you'd like? That way, you aren't technically falling asleep alone." I didn't want to go either.

She thought for a moment and then finally said, "That actually sounds really nice. Thank you, Mia."

We talked for a little while longer. It was mostly about her children, their favorite things, or funny things they'd said. Her love for her children was so heartwarming. I didn't have to see her to know that she was smiling from ear to ear. Her love for them was so genuine and sweet. I don't think I'd ever met another woman who loved their kids as much as Char loved hers. Hearing her speak about them made it so hard to keep myself from saying, "I love you." Too soon Amelia. Too soon. 

"Mia?" She was quiet.

"Yes, Sweetheart?" I was quiet too.

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

"You can ask me anything. Whether or not I answer really just depends on the question." I was trying to be funny, but with us both being so tired, I wasn't sure if it came across that way.

"Did you ever want children?"

"Wow. That's pretty deep. Can you tell me why you want to know first?" Just try and stall. That's all I could think about.

"Well... I mean, you and Reece were together for a long time and never had any or got married. It just seems like something that would've happened at some point..." She had a point.

"I guess I just didn't want to have kids with Reece. Don't get me wrong, he would be an amazing husband and father. I have no doubt about that." I paused to figure out how to word my next few sentences, "I didn't think it would be fair to him to move forward like that in our relationship when I was still lying to him. I didn't want to bring kids into that mess." I contemplated telling her about my pregnancy scare, but decided against it. "I love kids, but I'm not sure I would be a good enough mum. I would hate to screw them up like my parents did with me."

Charlotte got serious, "Amelia, I'm sure you would be a great mum. You might not be able to see it, but everything you just said proves it. You care so deeply for others and only want to protect and care for them. That's really all a mum needs to do."

I couldn't help but smile at her kind words. I never would have seen it like that if she hadn't said something. "Thank you. From what I've seen and heard since I met you, you're a pretty wonderful mum as well. Your girls are very lucky to have you."

I heard a nervous laugh come through the speaker. It was so adorable.

"Thank you, Mia. You always know how to make me feel better." She was speaking softly and slowly. I knew she would fall asleep soon.

The conversation slowly died down as Char got tired. I heard her settle enough to now be asleep. I waited a few minutes to make sure she was really out, and before I hung up, I said, "Goodnight, Sweetheart. Sweet dreams."

I couldn't wait till morning anymore to continue the hunt for my father. The sooner I found him, the sooner I could go get my girl. That was the only motivation I really needed.