Finding Her Joy

In Trouble

*A/N- Hey, I published a new thing. It's called "A "Knight" Of Rhymes". Go check it out when you get the chance. You won't regret it. Now, back to your regularly scheduled programming. Happy reading! Enjoy!

(MIA POV)
Charlotte has stormed in the room and yelled at me to get back in bed. Nostrils flaring, fists clenched at her sides, and glaring right through me.

"Everyone. Out." She said through gritted teeth.

Marjorie spoke up, trying to place a hand on her shoulder to calm her, "My love, perhaps you want us to sta -"

"I said out!" She threw her arms up and pointed to the door.

Reecey and Autumn both mouthed, "Good luck," before leaving with Marjorie. Charlotte slammed the bedroom door behind them.

I shifted up in the bed, wincing from pain as I did. My face, arm, and chest all hurt and shot pain to the rest of my body. I had to of fallen pretty hard to hurt like this. "Charlotte, I-"

"No. You do not get to speak right now." She said, her voice dark and shakey.

She had a hand on her hip, and the other pressed to her temple, pacing in front of the bed. Her mouth would open, and she would stop, but then looking at me would make her hesitate and start up again.

I was starting to get tired, so I closed my eyes for a moment. When I opened them again, she was sat at the foot of the bed with her head in her hands. I heard her quietly crying.

"I just don't understand," her voice cracked as she spoke, "I don't understand how you could do something like that." Her head turned back to me, "You just left without saying anything. You didn't talk to me. You didn't tell me what was really going on." She looked away again, "How could you just -" She cried again.

My instincts were telling me to move towards her, and so I tried, "Charlotte, I'm - ouch! Dammit!" I could move any further than I already had. I gave up and sat back, reaching my hand out to her, "Please, just come here. I can't watch you cry. It's killing me."

She stood fast, "It's killing you? How do you think I felt when I woke up an hour ago and you were gone? Or when I finally made it to my kitchen and read this stupid letter?" She took my goodbye note out of her pocket, crumbling it up and throwing it next to me. "Oh, or when I showed up here to see everything completely trashed and you looking like someone just hit you with their car?"

I couldn't look at her or the paper by my hips. I turned my head to the side and tried to hold back my own tears. "I'm sorry..." I managed to get out.

"For what?" She crossed her arms, "There's a long list coming to mind right now, so I'm going to need you to be more specific." Everything about her was serious and closed off.

"I'm sorry for all of it!" I yelled. It hurt to raise my voice, but I had to. "You will never understand why I did it this way, but I had to! I didn't have any other choice!"

As my voice broke, so did the rest of me. My body started shaking. My head started pounding. Everything hurt, and I couldn't control it. Having her angry with me was breaking me.

I took the arm that didn't hurt and wiped my tears. I'd forgotten my chee was cut, so I touched it too hard and almost screamed in pain.

Charlotte came over concerned and wiped my eyes. She spoke softer now, "Why didn't you have another option? You need to tell me the reason behind all of this," she took my hand in hers and placed a hand on the other side of my legs. I was boxed in.

"I can't. There's no point anyway. You already hate me, so it's not like we've got anything left to discuss." I tried to pull my hand away, but her grip got tighter. "Charlotte, please. Don't drag this out anymore. I have to let you go to save you."

"Save me from what?"

"From me! I'm no good for you. If you stay with me, then he'll kill you." My tears began to fall again. "It was awful enough when it was just a bad dream, but if he finds out about this, then he'll really do it. I- I can't lose you like that."

"Mia..." Her eyes were so sad. She looked almost sick. Was she sick because of me?

The more I started to doubt and hate myself, the faster she pulled me in for a hug.

In my ear, she said, "You won't," she pulled back, "I don't hate you. I may be angry and confused and want to slap you, but I meant it when I said I loved you and I wasn't going anywhere."

"You must hate me. I'm not a good person, and all of this just proves it. You're so angry with me... I've ruined us..."

"You told me you love me, and then all of this happens. Am I not supposed to be upset? Do you realize how unfair it was? Not just for me, but for you too."

"How was it unfair for me? I'm the one who did this. I've caused all of this."

She thought for a moment, sitting back from me, but keeping our hands locked. "You've spent so long trying to build up your new image, that just walking out threw away everything you've worked so hard for," she sighed, "We were both so happy, but now you seem so torn up over something that could've been fixed easily."

"How do you know I'm torn up over this? Maybe I slipped and fell on purpose to feel something. Just like when I had that mum punch me in the face."

"Stop," she said firmly, "I know you better than that. Take a look around the house, hell take a look around this room."

I stopped, looking around at all my things. The vanity was a mess, bottles everywhere, and I could see the mess still on the floor of the bathroom. "I was drunk... that doesn't prove anything..."

Her head dropped, "You smashed every mirror and reflective surface in the house. Leaving, just for the few short hours you did, broke you so badly that even subconsciously, you knew you couldn't look at yourself."

"He was going to kill you... I thought you were already gone... the dream was-" I couldn't get it out. Why couldn't I get it out?

"I know," she said. "But Darling, it was just a nightmare. You don't need to protect me from him or anyone else. I'm a big girl."

"I have to protect you. I can't lose you because of something I've caused..." I was finding it harder to get the words out as my tears burned the cuts and bruises, "please, Charlotte. I couldn't handle it!"

I was practically hysterical. I'm not sure if it was the residual effects of the alcohol or all the pain I was in, but I couldn't control myself like usual.

My body was shaking again and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I was hyperventilating. I clutched my chest and couldn't relax.

Charlotte immediately climbed right next to me and wrapped her arms around me as tight as I could handle. She took one of my hands and put it over her heart while tucking my head under her neck.

"Shh, Amelia," she said softly, "I need you to listen to my breathing and feel the steady beat of my heart." She was stroking my hair and left a light kiss on the top of my head. "I'm not going anywhere. We will get through this, okay? Nothing will hurt us."

I started to calm slowly. The smell of her perfume. The feel of her skin. I could feel the gentle thumping of her heart and her chest moving up and down as she breathed. "...I'm so sorry, Sweetheart... I'm so sorry..." I just kept repeating it over and over. I held tight onto her shirt and tried to relax into her as far as I could go.

My body was tired, so exhausted from everything. I could feel myself falling asleep, but I wanted to fight it.

"Shh," she said, noticing it all. "We can talk more about it when the sun's up. Go to sleep, please."

Then I was out.

We're going to have a hard time getting past this, aren't we? God, why did I have to be so stupid? Why couldn't I have just left her alone? Then we never would've gotten here.