His Redemption (MxM)

Chapter 81

Hewitt

When Stefano told me that Luke had agreed to come back to New York for Spade's engagement party, at first I thought he was messing with me, or just pulling my legs, until I heard it from Nate himself

It has been approximately three months since he left and in that three months I realized a lot of things, one, my life is miserable without Luke in it, two I think I have feelings for him, and three, I regret everything I ever said to him, especially the night we had sex at Spade's club and I lashed out at him.

I didn't realize it then, but I was really insensitive and it was unfair of me to act that way towards him, none of it was his fault, he didn't make himself fall in love with me, I know that now, but I can't take back the things I said to him, I can't unsay those things, and I don't even know if I can apologize for them, I mean I want to, but will he even listen?

Stefano told me to just fuck it and apologize to him, and then tell him how I feel, I confessed to Stefano how I really feel about Luke and I remember very well how he had reacted.

Flashback

After my breakdown at Spade's club bathroom, Stefano had followed me home, in his words he didn't want to leave me alone, so I don't do something stupid to myself, he still didn't know why I threw up like that, to him it was because of the drugs, but I know the drugs had nothing to do with it.

I laid on the couch, staring up at the ceiling, my mind replaying every moment I had spent with Luke, and how I never realized it before, how much peace he had brought to me, all I focused on was the fact that I had this mindset that I can't be in a relationship, all I focused on was the fact that I can't care for anyone other than myself.

But I was fucking wrong, I care about Luke, if I didn't before, I do now
I miss him, I didn't want to admit it before, but I can't help it.
I let him leave just like that, after I probably must have broken his heart, I sighed out heavily, feeling my heart clench itself.
I'm a horrible person.

"Are you okay buddy"? I heard Stefano asked and when I looked at him, he was looking at me with so much concern, I'm not okay, I don't think I will be in a long time, especially now that I know that I fucked up, and I don't know how to fix it.

I had so many chances to make things right, but I kept ruining it even more.
I remember seeing Luke at Su's birthday party, but I ignored him, I don't know why I did it, but as at that time I thought I was mad at him for confessing his feelings to me.

Instead of just Working it out with him, I went ahead and tried to have sex with someone else, and it didn't work, she tried everything, even gave me a blow job but I couldn't do it, everytime I closed my eyes and tried to enjoy what she was doing, all I could see in my head was Luke's face, I was so angry at myself that night, I kept asking myself why I was thinking about him so much, I tried to fight with myself for it, but I didn't realize that I was thinking about him that much because I like him.

"I think I'm in love with him" I blurted out, and I watched Stefano's face pull up into a frown

"Hewitt..." He started but I swallowed hard and looked away from him, back up at the ceiling.

"I think I'm in love with Luke" I blurted out and I heard him gasp out lowly, all the times we spent together, the memories invading my mind, the little things he'd do for me.

"Hewitt... Are you sure"? Stefano asked and I just swallowed hard, looking at him, he was staring at me with this calm relaxing look.
"How did you know, I mean when..." He paused and sighed out heavily, I can't answer that question, because even I don't know when it happened or how, I just know that I find myself thinking about him all the time, at first I thought it was because I got used to having him around me, but after he left, everything just became clearer.