His Redemption (MxM)

Chapter 84

Hewitt

Hearing that man introduce himself as Luke's boyfriend, it made my heart to ache, and my stomach to churn with fear, I couldn't stand being there, because he was so comfortable with Stefano and Nate, I felt like the stranger there, but after I left and cleared my head, I decided to go back inside the party, hoping I'd have the guts to at least apologize to Luke, if I can't confess my feelings to him, I can apologize for all the shitty things I made him go through.

I was lucky enough to have spotted him at the bar, and he was alone, the strange guy wasn't with him, and Stefano wasn't with him either, so It was a plus for me.
I mean I thought I finally had a chance with him, not untill I had to watch that guy kiss Luke in front of me.

If I thought hearing that he was Luke's boyfriend hurt, then watching him kiss Luke did worse than just hurt, it was like a searing pain in my heart, stabbing me repeatedly and painfully.
I couldn't stand it, I was so angry but I know I had no right to be angry, I pushed him away, whatever he's doing right now, I caused it, after everything I said to him, I don't expect him to wait for me, he had to move on

So I went into the bathroom, to agonize in pain alone, but I couldn't even do that in peace without him showing up, I didn't expect him to follow me into the bathroom, well that's what I thought, until I spoke and I realized he didn't follow me, I bet he didn't even think I was in there.

I had a lot to say to him, a lot to apologize for, but I didn't even know where to begin, and he didn't exactly let me say all I needed to say.
The way he looked at me with so much pain and anger, I can't exactly blame him

And when he started talking about him, I couldn't bear the pain I felt in that moment
But he's right, he's found someone that cares about him, someone that promised him something I couldn't give to him.
I sighed out shakily, looking into the mirror, I couldn't breath properly, but I was breathing.
My chest was caving in to my heart, I could feel it crushing, turning into dust

Why did I say all those things to him?
He didn't deserve any of it, and truth be told, I felt more at peace when he was still here with me, than I've ever felt in all my life.
Luke made me happy, for a while, when I was with him, I felt like I had a direction in my life, like I had a purpose.

I didn't just live off empty sex, and excessive drug use.
With Luke, it was fucking different, but I didn't see all these, not until I had successfully pushed him away.

And now it hurts, now it's killing me, because I'm too late, I can't get him back, I can't even get him to forgive or listen to me.
I heard a light whimper and it took a few seconds for me to realize that it came from me, I swallowed hard, before I heard the door creak open.

I didn't bother to look at who just walked in, I didn't really care if anyone saw me like this, they don't understand the amount of pain I'm in right now.
"Hey buddy, I've been looking everywhere for you"? I heard Stefano whisper beside me, before I felt his hand on my shoulder, I let out a deep shaky breath before I turned around and wrapped my hands around him, he quickly rested his hand on my back, letting me bury my face in the crook of his neck

"Hey buddy, are you okay"? He asked, and I just shook my head, unable to say anything "what happened? Did Luke say something to you"? He asked and I bit my lips, shaking my head

"Can you just stay like this with me for five minutes please" I whispered out, feeling my resolve falter, I don't think my heart can take this, how the hell did Luke manage to be okay after everything I made him go through?

"Sure buddy, anything you need" Stefano whispered, tapping my back lightly as I let my breathing to slow down, I just want to be able to breathe properly.
My talk with Luke had somehow altered something in me, I don't feel like I felt before I saw him tonight, and I'm not blaming him for it, it's not his fault.
I sighed out heavily, feeling my whole body relax, I was still a little bit shaken, but I felt a little bit out of it than I did a few seconds ago.