Love is Illogical ; Spock

Chapter 41

The prayer further into the chapter is actually part of the chant of light from dragon age xD whoops. This also consists of about one long conversation but I promise it's not going to stay too boring for to long. like I'll try to throw in a few twists or something (aka domestic bliss is boring me rn) . I also got tagged for that tag twenty people thing but I have no friends on this bar like two people so :/.

It was the morning of Amanda's memorial service. The human need for closure was illogical but we were obliging. Spock and Sarek were at least, I had no hand in the planning of the service, I had no idea what was traditionally done at human burials.

"If we don't leave in precisely 3.5 minutes we will never make it for an appropriate time." Spock called from the front room as I looked myself over in the mirror to make sure everything was in order with my dress uniform. It was, thankfully. Nothing out of place.

"Ready." I said, picking up the keys and heading out the door, my hand briefly brushing across Spock's shoulder. He was far too tense today.

"You're unusually quiet." I commented as we rode towards Amanda's childhood neighbourhood. Considering her home had been destroyed, a fact I could not forget, her first home would now be her last one wether it was what was wanted or not. Perhaps it was more logical this way, it would be easier to receive human last rights on earth.
"This is unusual circumstances." he replied, looking out at the fields passing by us in a blur.

A human funeral, I had been carefully informed by Doctor McCoy, was a celebration of a persons life and a ceremony marred in emotion. Every facet of it was emotional. Talk of times when the person made you happy, talk of the love you had for them, talk of the grief you felt. These things did not compute with me. Spock understood this all perfectly, but me? No.

Recently I had begun to feel a void between us open. Unintentionally of course. Spock as a person was, no matter how he denied it, emotional and I just wasn't. Did I care for him? Deeply. Did I love him? The concept was still foreign to me. Perhaps is was not the time to discus the issue. It would be insensitive due to his current emotional turmoil.

We hadn't had a large memorial service like this for my father and brother, they wouldn't have wanted one. A Vulcan funeral was a simple and restrained matter however, we had no bodies to inter, only our grieving to be done quickly and quietly out of public eye. This was achieved through a brief mind meld and then on with it.

The changing of the song on the radio brought a more upbeat pop song and Spock turned it for swiftly. I didn't mind, I preferred silence.

Shutting off the engine when we arrived at the small church, no one moved to get out. It should be Spock to move first but again, I didn't understand him. What would be comforting? Reassurances? Proclamations of love for his mother? Bones would excel here, he'd have known what to say to the man next to me who was so pale I could swear he was translucent were that not illogical.

"You don't need to do this Spock, not if you don't want to."
"I do want to." He forced out, his voice threatening to crack.
"Let's got then."

The sermon was somber and there was lots of singing and uniformed chanting. Humans had strange customs.

"Though all before me is shadow,
Yet shall God be my guide.
I shall not be left to wander the drifting roads of the Beyond.
For there is no darkness in his Light
And nothing that He has wrought shall be lost.
Here lies the abyss, the well of all souls.
From these emerald waters doth life begin anew.
Come to me, child, and I shall embrace you.
In my arms lies Eternity."

"If experience serves, this is going to end with your grandfather intoxicated and ranting." Sarek murmured to Spock as he walked past us out of the church at the end of the service. It had been mercifully swift. Being in the room with such strong human emotion had been an ordeal, yet one I had suffered through for Spock.

"I continently forgot my family was involved in this." Spock sighed.
"You've problems with them?"
"More their curiosity for all things Vulcan." he said, but swiftly changed the subject. "How was your first church service?"
"Fascinating." I mused. "Do they do that often? The unison chanting thing?"
"Prayer?" He asked, raising his eyebrow and I nodded. "They do it more than is warranted."

Arriving back at someone's -I had not payed attention to whos- home, Spock and Sarek had told the truth, naturally. It hadn't taken long for Grandpa Greyson -Amanda's elderly father- to get intoxicated and begin ranting about immigrants and how they were stealing everyone's jobs. As an immigrant to earth, I avoided the man as much as possible.

The rest of the family did have an insatiable curiosity for all things Vulcan. From our ears to our eyebrows to our doctrine they were completely enraptured by my kind. I tired quickly of the prodding and pulling of my ears but their questions seemed earnest.

"Lovely service wasn't it?"
"I can't make an informed judgment without a scale of comparison." I replied, placing down my communicator in which Uhura and Bones had been texting non stop. I hadn't been paying much attention to either conversation, I had been too busy fending off humans, but I had gathered Uhura was enamoured with some man and Bones was extremely bored and had decided he wanted to jabber to me nonstop, I didn't mind.
"Oh! You're Vulcan! You can't really tell from behind." She said, too happily. "Didn't think you lot had blonde hair though?"
"It's a genetic mutation." I snapped defensively. "Besides, our distinguishing features are towards the front generally."
"You must be Esha, right? I'm Theresa." the woman smiled warmly. "So nice to meet you."
"Live long and prosper." I said. I've learned with theses humans they won't be happy until they observe a few cultural cliches.
"So you're a star fleet officer?" She asked rather illogically as I was wearing dress uniform.
"Science officer, and you are?"
"Nothing as exciting I would guess, just a high school chemistry teacher. I've always wanted to know what it is that you do exactly?" Theresa asked, her eyes lingering for longer than needed on my ears,
"I look at pathogens, disease, viruses and the like in a capacity the medical department isn't qualified to do."
"That sounds really fun! I don't think I'd be very good at saving the world though." she said thoughtfully.
"Well, as you can tell we don't always save the world."
"Oh, I'm so sorry I didn't mean it like that." She fretted.
"There are no need for apologies." I shrugged.

"So your Spocks fiancée? I thought he was already engaged? What happened with that?" She asked, changing the subject rather swiftly, as humans did.
"Ah, T'pring became rather besotted with my betrothed."
"It sounds just like a soap opera! I dont suppose you have them on Vulcan?"
"You'd be surprised what we had on Vulcan."
"I can just imagine all the young Vulcans caught in the grip of forbidden love."

Perhaps not quite love. Perhaps that was what Spock deserved yet I could never give him? Perhaps, perhaps, perhaps.