If I Stay || l.h.

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you lay alone, shuffling yourself onto one shoulder and over to the next and eventually returning to the comfort of laying on your back.

"it feels big," you etched on a smile as you stared down at your hands, ignoring the intense stare you were receiving from your best friend. "it's crazy. i can't eat, i can't sleep." you shook your head in disbelief. "i don't remember it getting this heavy."

"you're in love. its just what happens."

you sat up, your eyebrows furrowing together because you couldn't quite get the thought of luke out of your head.

he'd been touring for months now, and recently you mutually called it all off in hopes that when he finished his tour that maybe you could spark things up again. he finished touring this weekend and was back in a couple days. you didn't know what would even happen, whether he'd remember you even existed never mind the deal you made.

your lips found his, a smile consuming both of your faces as you tried to keep your lips in one place. you ignored the cheering around the two of you, you ignored the party poppers and excited "happy new year!" 's that were being thrown around left, right, and centre.

"promise me, we'll spend new years together next year." he whispered to you after you pulled back from each other.

the smile had vanished from the both of your faces. "i can't promise you that." luke let go of you and all in an instant everything spun. the crowds of people surrounding you both seemed to slow down, the noise in a deafening silence.

now you were stuck in a silence so similar but this time, the silence was painful because there really wasn't anymore surrounding you, there really wasn't luke standing opposing to you, you were alone.

"promise me." he repeated and you shook your head, trying to reach out and take hold of his hands.

"i can't," you said. luke shook his head and pushed your hands away from his own before pushing through the crowd of people.

as he walked away, you felt the crowd fall back into full swing, people shoving and singing as you tried to wriggle your way out. you followed after him to the door leading to the fire escape, pushing the door open to see him leaning his forearms against the metal railing.

"luke-"

"what are we even doing then?" he raised his voice quickly, startling you. "are we just wasting time? trying to avoid the inevitability that i'm leaving to tour again and you're going off to college in new york and that's it. we're just not going to see each other anymore?" you shook your head.

"we can work through it."

"what's the point, y/n?" he yelled. "if seeing each other next new years isn't even a possibility. then, whats the point?"

what was the point? you could feel tears welling up yours eyes, you lip quivering as you attempted to hold it all in. but you sniffled, lifting your sleeve to wipe your nose when a tear finally let itself go. that was all it took for them to keep coming. you grabbed luke's pillow and you hugged it into your chest, letting yourself cry into it. you choked and you sobbed, releasing silent screams into the pillow.

you heard a tapping at your window and your phone beeped moments afterwards. as you checked your messages you saw luke's name in bold. "do not go out onto your balcony".

you smiled, and instinctively got yourself out of bed and walked out onto your balcony where, sure enough, luke was standing on your lawn.

"what are you doing?" you whispered but made it loud enough for him to hear.

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