5 Seconds Of Summer Imagines

A Step You Can't Take Back || c.h.

((listen to the song up there okay, i explain at the end too so yeah read that if you want))

You pulled the comforter closer to your body, your back leaning against the headboard of your seemingly over sized bed. You hid the bottom half of your face behind your comforter covered hands.

You forcibly shut your eyes tightly with his breath that fell against your neck. You enclosed your hands tightly around your head, rocking yourself back and forth as you tried to rid of him. Months of flashbacks and presences and feelings was getting too much for you, you felt him with you everywhere you went. Constantly the weight of his world haunting you.

You wanted him to leave you out of this, after all he was the one that left you, why was it your burden to carry his being around. You almost felt insane but you knew it were nowhere close to it. Closure is was you never got and what you always needed. A note with a simple one worded apology was not closure.

It took you a solid convincing from yourself to pick yourself up and track him down.

After a twitter update account raid you managed to find out they were staying right here in your city, a hotel not too far from your apartment. Stupidly you grabbed your coat and rushed out, ignoring the bad gut feeling you received consistently through the entire process.

--

You stood at the subway with your coat hung over your arm, waiting for the packed train to come to a halt and allow the floods of people to empty themselves from the carriage. Only when it arrived it was almost empty despite the few stray people hanging around. You noticed the lack of people surrounding you, not understanding why you were practically the only person around.

You ignored your gut and stepped on the train as the doors opened, immediately claiming one of the empty seats as your own. You ignored the small rowdy group of youths down the other end of the train and continued your short journey.

"Y/N?" You ignored your hollered name because you knew it was your conscience grilling you again. You shut your eyes tightly to make it stop, pulling your knees up onto the seat and tucking your head in between them. It hurt to hear is voice again. You could somehow deal with the feelings and presences and breaths but his voice was something else. Something you couldn't handle quite yet. "Y/N." You rocked yourself gently back and forth with the help of the jolting train to get the ringing of his voice to stop. "Hey," You shook your head. How could you possibly think you could deal with facing him when you couldn't handle the bitter fun your conscience was having with you.

You felt the train come to a stop and thanked yourself for not being stupid enough to stay for the next stop leading to his exact hotel. You pulled your head out of your embrace and stretched yourself out.

"Oh hey, Calum." Your subconscious spoke for you as you turned to pick up your coat and exit the train. You guided yourself to the open train door, stepping out onto the sidewalk again and turning to see an anxious Calum at the foot of the door. Your mouth hung open just a little bit and he took it in his stride to grab onto your forearm and pull himself out of the train just before the doors closed shut.

You took this as your moment and pushed past your anxiety and nerves to dig in your coat pocket for his one worded apology. You pulled it out and landed it in his hand, not wanting him to let go of you just yet. You missed his touch.

He cautiously unfolded each corner, his face softening when he saw what was written. "Sorry." He released a shaky breath.

You shook your head. "I didn't come for a verbal apology. I want closure," You bit onto your bottom lip as you watched him gulp down on the lump in his throat. "Please." You added on out of courtesy he really didn't deserve anyway.

"I'm sorry,"

"Please." You shut your eyes to ease the pain of his physical presence.

"I'd rather move on than look back, don't you think, Y/N?" You shook your head to his reply.

"Are you kidding me?" Your confidence grew with your anger when he shook his head. "I've spent months of emotional and psychological instability due to my lack of closure. I finally had to grow my own pair of balls and took the chance of tracking you down to only have a corrupted meeting with you on the damn subway and then have you tell me all you want is to move on."

"Calum, I just want to know why you didn't want me anymore, okay? Is that really a lot to-"

"I have commitment issues, okay? I'm sorry." His expression was unconvincing but his tone was believable. "Of course I wanted you, seriously, you were one of the best things to have happened to me." You shook your head because you just didn't want to believe it. Months of pain for his commitment issues? "I got scared and-"

"Commitment issues?" You stared at him in shock, your anger boiling inside of you despite your inability to express it due to your overly nice demeanor that you couldn't necessarily control. "You could of said something, Calum. I'm not exactly one for quick judgement." You were annoyed that he wanted to leave for something so irrational and, fixable.

"I'm sorry." His voice was almost below a whisper and you didn't know if it were a good or a bad thing.

"I'm sorry." You muttered, slipping your coat on, watching Calum whilst he stared down at the paper between his fingers. "Leaving me was the worst thing you could've done, but thank you." Calum shook his head, a groaning causing his lips to part as he very obviously grew frustrated.

"Stop being so nice all-"

"Thank you for leaving me with the flashbacks and the memories and the feelings because it makes this easier for me." You routed through your coat pocket once more, pulling out the pen you searched for. Taking the small piece of crumpled paper from Calum's hand, you rested it in your own and flipped it to the blank side.

After writing your three little words down you folded it neatly and placed in in his palm, curling his fingers so it was covered.

"I was stuck with all that pain, so if you didn't get any, then those words shouldn't hurt you when I leave. If they do," You took in his brown eyes and his tousled brown-blonde hair and his messy eyebrows and his big nose and everything else you could take in within a couple seconds. "then its your turn to grow some balls."

You let yourself smile very weakly as you tiptoed, his brown eyes filled with confusion. You leaned in, lightly nuzzling your nose against his, his eyes filling with warmth as the familiar action caused a smile to grow on his lips.

"Don't read the note till I'm out of that door." Calum nodded, his small glimpse of a smile fading when you placed your feet back down firmly on the ground.

"Goodbye Calum." You carried yourself away from him, proud of how comfortable and confident you made yourself seem.

"See you later, Y/N."

*~*~*

i kind of incorporated two songs into this?

so originally i did it for Let You In - PVRIS and yeah you can obvs tell at the beginning but i wrote like the first two paras like a month ago and did nothing will them till now

okay so i found this song a month or two ago from the film Begin Again (great film definitely watch it if you're into music or Keira Knightley which i am for both so idk if its just me that loves the film but yh) and its called A Step You Can't Take Back - Keira Knightley

so yeah i was listening to that song bc it helps me write and yeah it basically inspired me a little i guess

so yes that is how I incorporated two songs for one imagine. weird bc both songs and extremely different, genre wise.

i kinda like this tbh

((((sorry for not posting anything in forever but my EXAMS ARE OVER YUS)))))