OKAY STORY TIME BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE IT, ITS 11PM AT NIGHT, I HAVENT UPDATED IN A WHILE AND I LOST 2 FOLLOWERS BECAUSE OF IT
I THINK I TOLD THIS STORY BEFORE BUT WHATEVER, IM GONNA TELL IT AGAIN
my parents are reallllllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy religious right winged conservatives and throughout my whole life i thought that was a good thing
i was extremely sheltered throughout elementary school, all my closest friends were mostly white and catholic, and it stayed that way until 6th grade
4th grade was a very weird and different year. i remember a lot of things from 4th grade (a lot of it embarrassing af) but i mostly remember wanting so desperately wanting to get into this middle school that was supposedly one of the best in the city and was deemed to have "gifted and talented" students.
i started thinking about going to this school in 4th grade because thats how it is in nyc. you have to apply to every school you go to (if you want to get into the good ones). its not like the midwest or anything where youre stuck with the same people from nursery school to high school.
anyways, i so desperately wanted to go to this school, but my parents didnt want me to go. they had their sights set on catholic school for me.
i was so aggressively trying to not go to catholic school because i know i will definitely hate it. from a young age, i wasnt very religious to begin with, never really believed in it. it kinda started because in 1st grade when in the after school religion classes i took i said "god sucks" and all my friends shunned me and said i wasnt going to get any gifts from santa and i cried but then that christmas i got gifts from santa so jokes on them.
also one time for my religion homework we were asked what christmas meant to us and i said "getting gifts from santa" and i got the evil eye from the teacher lol i am amazing.
anyways, back on topic: catholic school, big no no.
so i started preparing for the test to get in to this "gifted and talented" school.
to get in you have to have "talent"
i had no idea what the fuck mine was tbh.
i thought about going back to dance school but was like "ew no" bc i was going through an embarrassing tomboy phase which i now know everyone in my family really hated and still kinda give me shit for it (whenever i wear something relatively girly my mom goes "WOOOOWW YOURE ACTUALLY WANTING TO BE PRETTY" and im like shut up u old fart that was 5 years ago give it a fucking rest go fraternize with ur boy donald trump or some shit) so instead of dance school i did sports, and hated it i wanted to play BASEBALL not SOFTBALL but my dad was like "(: they dont have baseball for girls, girls play softball" and i was like THIS IS SEXIST BULLSHIT!!!!!!!! idk why i stuck with it for two years but i did and it was terrible the worst experience of my life
then i did chorus for a year, it was fun and i would've done it for a second but the music program got stuck like wtf??? our school was the shittiest elementary school ever.
then i took art classes and hated it bc our teacher was so bland and boring
and i had no fucking clue what i was doing!!!!!!!!!!!! like what!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i just figured i had no talent whatsoever
and this whole time my mom was the fucking worst. i dont think i ever hated her more in my entire life. she was like "YOURE NEVER GOING TO GET INNNNNN." and when i asked her why she doubted me so much and why she couldnt support me like normal parents do she was like "SORRRYYYYYYYYYYYY IM JUST GIVING YOU THE REALITY OF IT ALL" and i spent so many nights crying over it and i look back at ten year old me and i just give her a back rub she needed it she was under so much stress
so when the day to actually send in applications came by, i just randomly put that i will be trying out for art and writing
then it was the day of the test. i had the art test first and was like "shit" bc the prompter was a total bitch like shit. halfway through the test i was getting frustrated that my drawings werent coming out the way i wanted them to and i just had a fuck it moment ya know and just kinda failed the test but i didnt care
but then i cared when the test ended and i was on the break and i was freaking out thinking "oh my god i just probably screwed up my chance at ever getting in this school"
but during break i had a conversation with this really nice girl. she was so nice and told me i was pretty and looked like kristen stewart and we just had random small talk and she became my friend for like 30 minutes but she comforted me in the best way. i never got her name though, which is a shame.
but girl, if u reading this, i hope u have the best life ever, seriously.
so then it was the writing test and i wasnt even that nervous. a nice blonde secretary prompted us, (she turned out to be a really good friend in 8th grade) and i just felt at home and i knew i belonged there, in that writing classroom and not in some stupid catholic school my parents would kill to see me in.
few months later we got the results back. everyone was really anxious getting it back, because everyone really wanted to go to the school. i wanted to faint. i swear i was having hallucinations and getting sick. one of my best friends and i made a promise we'd call each other after we opened our letters to see if we were going to the same school next year.
so when i got home, MY MOTHER, opened the letter and read it first
"it says to the PARENT of olivia (:" she had the most fucking cynical tone i swear to god. i knew she wanted to break the bad news to me ( I STILL SHOULD HAVE READ IT FIRST. MY SCHOOL. MY FUTURE.)
but then she read the letter and her face got all white like a ghost and she couldnt speak and then she stuttered and she announced "wow... she got in" and i saw it and i scored an 86.3 on the writing test i couldve sworn i barely made it, i dont know how they determine the scores or whatever, but i made it and that is by far the 2nd best day of my life
then i called my dad and he was in shock too and he asked me "you sure u wanna go? they probably give a lot more homework there" but i gave no shits at that point, the school could tell me to write a ten page essay on why britney spears sucks (which is impossible to do) and i wouldve said yes to them bc GUESS WHAT. I MADE IT. I AUTOMATICALLY HAD THIS "GIFTED AND TALENTED" LABEL PINNED TO ME FOR THE NEXT 3 YEARS FOR A REASON I STILL DONT UNDERSTAND, NO MATTER HOW MANY PEOPLE TELL ME IM A GOOD WRITER, BECAUSE BELIEVE ME, I WAS NEVER GOOD ENOUGH TO BE "GIFTED AND TALENTED" AND I PROBABLY NEVER WILL BE
so 3 years later i graduated from middle school and i know the realities of everrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyything. i know that my parents wanted to bully me into being sheltered forever and to always be like them. i know i screwed up the chance for my little brother and sister to get into the school and experience the things i experienced for the last 3 years. actually going to a school where everyone is actually different and you can actually see everyone is unique is the best, and i wouldnt trade any of it in, even if donald trump came into my room and said "listen kid, i'll make your mom a little bit happier and give you some $$$ if you give me the years 2012-2015." i know that if i keep up my tendencies, my dad will probably disown me (my grandmother and mother mentioned this before in the past). i know i will probably never trust my parents to support me into making decisions i want to make. i know i will probably never properly love my parents in the future, and never have the dream family future you see on tv where your mother shows up at your front door randomly and hugs you and tells a weird joke that makes you uncomfortable and then ur hubby comes in and he hugs her like shes his mom and we sit down on the couch together and have coffee and catch up on each others lives (and the latest reality tv shows)
I KNOW ALL OF THIS, AND KNOWING ALL OF THIS WHILE GOING TO CATHOLIC SCHOOL SOON IS SCARY AS SHIT. I KNOW THE NEXT FEW YEARS IS GOING TO BE A LIVING NIGHTMARE AT HOME, (ESPECIALLY WITH ELECTION SEASON COMING UP) AND I KNOW IM GOING TO DO EVERYTHING IN MY POWER TO STAY AWAY FROM THEM. I KNOW THE NEXT BIG THING THAT THEY WONT SUPPORT ME ON IS MOVING OUT AND LIVING A GOOD PORTION OF MY LIFE IN NYC.
BUT THANK GOD FOR THOSE 3 YEARS AT THAT STUPID GIFTED AND TALENTED SCHOOL, I LEARNED SO MUCH AND I AM THE STRONGEST BITCH EVER
