there has been a lot of times where I have gotten questions about he way that my natural self is. I don't know why. from me being my natural self, people seem to expect some things from me. does that make sense? I don't know. in my life, I have gotten these questions/comments at least 3 times, and I feel like that is a lot.
"are you a dancer?"
"do you sing?" "you have a really nice talking voice."
"when I first met you, I thought you would be mean because you were so pretty, but it turns out you're really nice."
these kinds of questions or comments make me extremely insecure.
1. people ask me if I am a dancer. I go to a school where there are a great deal of dancers. many of them asked me this question. one, it's because it's the way I stand. two, it's because I can point my feet all the way down. and three, I am pretty flexible. this kind of comment makes me feel really insecure, because the thought of ever dancing or doing any kind of physical activity in front of people scares me. I think I actually have a phobia of it.
2. people ask me if I sing, or they compliment me of how my voice sounds when I talk. sometimes when I'm randomly talking to someone for the first time they ask me this. they're like "you have a very mature voice" or "you sound like you can be a singer." one time one of my friends made me check out this gaming channel she really liked. I told her they had a nice voice and she said "yeah, they do, it kind of reminds me of yours." why. why. why. I'm insecure about this because my voice is really f ing annoying. I would kill to have a different voice. and I can't sing. I used to be able to, but I lost interest in it.
3. why the hell do people say this to me. my own best friend said this to me once. my own friends said to me that "oh, only you would look good with this guy because you meet his standards." and 'that guy' is really hot. like really. he's hot. Anyways, my own best friend, as well as some other my friends, said this to me. I asked my friend one time what they thought of me when we first met and she said "oh, I thought you would be a really mean person, I don't know you were just really pretty." like no. no. no. no. stop. I am not that pretty. I am really not. maybe I am pretty, I don't know, but every time I look in the mirror I don't look that pretty. if I was proportional and actually followed the golden ratio I may be pretty. like really, why couldn't I have followed the golden ratio. literally, if you see me in real life, you would probably think I'm some weird alien. my cheeks, boobs, upper arms, thighs and waist are huuugggeee but then I have a flat stomach, and my ankles and wrists are skinny, and you can see my collar bone. another fear of mine is breaking my wrists or ankles bc THERE IS NO CUSHION AT ALL.
why can't you ask me better questions? "wow, are you are writer, because you have a really nice way with words" or "hey, you have really good tastes in things." COMPLIMENT ME ON STUFF THAT I FEEL PROUD ABOUT, PLEASE. ;-;
so yes, these are like a good 25% of my insecurities. there's more. believe me. 50% of my insecurities I am too traumatized to talk about. maybe I will one day. and the other 25% is just really weird.
I think I just rambled.
