okay, so last night I was in the mood for some chocolate chip cookies, right? so I made some chocolate chip cookies. it went pretty terrible. I'm going to give you all the steps of what I did to get these asshole tasting cookies.
STEP I
take out frozen cookie dough from the freezer that your mom made
STEP II
put cookie dough on plate and microwave the cookie dough until it's soft
STEP III
realize u microwaved it too much and panic as you try to transfer the mushy cookie dough from the plate to cooking tray
STEP IV
realize you didn't put butter on the cooking tray and panic as you transfer the almost liquefied cookie dough back on the plate
STEP V
put butter allllll over the tray like you're mother fricken paula deen or skydoesminecraft
STEP VI
put cookies back on the tray and lick cookie dough off of your fingers
STEP VII
cringe bcuz cookie dough is very moist and doesn't taste like cookie dough
STEP VIII
cry
STEP IX
put cookies in oven at about 250 degrees for ten minutes
STEP X
check tumblr, and see that your friend is spamming your messages with "poodle porn"
STEP XI
take out cookies (with an oven mitt, not your hands stupid.)
STEP XII
Try to pick up cookies, but realize they are hot and they are still mushy
STEP XIII
put cookies in at 420 for five minutes
STEP XIV (is that even the Roman numeral for 14 idek)
check kik, and see that your friend is trying to educate you on the history of Ronnie Radke's life
STEP XV
take out cookies
STEP XVI
Try to pick up cookie
STEP XVII
realize that the entire outside of the cookie is burnt, but the inside is still as soft as Nash Grier's dick
STEP XVIII
eat the cookie
STEP IXX (that's the numeral for 19, right?)
spit out the cookie and choke a bit
STEP XX
[Gavin screaming]
STEP XXI
throw out all the cookies you have wasted
STEP XXII
cry about how you are a complete failure and will never achieve anything in your life
STEP XXIII
complain about it on tumblr
STEP XXIV
get 4 notes on your complaining post
STEP XXVI
go to bed
SO THERE YOU HAVE IT KIDS!! EAT COOKIES THAT TASTE LIKE ASSHOLE! MAYBE YOUR ASSHOLE MIGHT TASTE BETTER THAN THE COOKIES IF YOU COMPLETELY FAIL!
