why do you even try

725 13 3
                                    

ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Okay. let me start.

I really want to leave. ive been thinking about it for the past week, and I just think it's time for me to go. I think you guys have had enough of me. I think it's time for you guys to waste time on other people besides me. I'm just not feeling it as much as I did before. as Connor Franta said, "don't do what makes you unhappy." I can list a whole bunch of things that make me unhappy:

1. The Adoption Center- it's my most popular book. People like it. I don't like it. it just brings back memories I would rather not like to think about...

2. No matter what amount of attention I get, no matter how many followers I have, I will never think I deserve it. you can tell me over and over again "you are amazing writer" or "we love you" or whatever. I will never deserve anything I have right now. 3. it just makes me sad. it makes me sad knowing people on here have better lives, better friends, more friends than I do. like, you can inbox me and be like "I can be your friend," but yet no matter how many things we have in common, how long we talk, I still somehow feel you are only talking to me because you feel sorry for me.

4. I LOVE TO STARE AT NOTHING. AND ITS SAD. there will be days I will get no notifications, and I know that I probably won't get any notifications because I have updated for so long, but every two minutes I still insist that I check, because I am so God dang addicted to this stupid site.

I didn't want any of this to happen. I didn't want people on my message board saying "oh please stay I love you I will miss you." I didn't want to draw attention to myself. I kind of just wanted to leave. I don't know for how long, maybe for a month, maybe for the rest of the summer, maybe for the rest of the year, maybe forever. to be honest, I kind of cried when I first saw people starting to try to rebel against me leaving. I just really wanted to leave. I don't know. maybe my mind will change if I see something that completely motivates me to stay, but chances of that happening are very slim. I'm stubborn.

I don't know. I just don't know anymore.

the faults in being a fangirlWhere stories live. Discover now