That's Another Story For Later

Reflections

The next morning, Dwalin woke me up. We got ready silently. We all were groggy, being as the sun hadn't even woken up. I mounted Nyx, and rode next to the boys. The ride was silent for an hour or so. "How did you learn to fight so well?" Fili said suddenly. I sat there, before finally the question settled in my brain.

"Well you know Dwalin taught me obviously. He trained me as any dwarf male. Every since I was little and picked up an axe and started swinging it around, he started to train me. He trained me in a lot of the weapons, but the dual blades really was more he taught me how to use it with my right, and I taught myself to use my left, and then together.

"I've trained for hours on end. I've done so much training with endurance, and just work in general. Honestly, every time I've fought Dwalin, he's beaten me because he knows all my weaknesses, and he was the one that trained me."

"How did you have so much drive to do this?" Kili said in a tone that seemed amazed.

"My parents died in an orc raid. I have the drive because I don't want to end up like them. I want to fight and be warriors like them, and be the best warrior I can. I trained in everything I could so I was well versed. Knife training for when my swords are useless, swords for the usual fighting, hand to hand for really close contact, and archery so I wouldn't have to get close. I did it so I don't die like them." They went silent at my answer. I took the time to get lost in my thoughts.

My mind wandered to the fight last night. I wasn't sure what happened during those fights. I was just somehow able to keep going. Adrenaline is a funny thing. But I couldn't explain how I felt during my fight with Kili. It wasn't just adrenaline. My heart pounded even though I wasn't trying that hard. His face was drawn in such a hard line, and it unfocused me from time to time.

His brown eyes blazing in the firelight were ones I fell into at the most inopportune time. Why did he have to be so intriguing? What was it he did to me, and why? The butterflies, the unfocused nature. I didn't understand it, and I wanted to. It's not like I could ask anyone. He was a brilliant fighter, and a funny, charismatic dwarf. It frustrated me, and I wasn't going to try and puzzle these feelings out right now.

"Iridian." Kili growled. It sounded like he was trying to reach me for a while. Sometimes it does when I'm that far gone. I was quite taken aback by his tone. "Why on earth do you keep doing that?"

I tilted my head to the side, unsure what he was asking. "I don't understand." Fili watched with uncertainty, wondering where this would go.

"You keep spacing out, and thinking. You're getting so far into your head it's hard to reach you. What's going on in that head of yours?" Kili impatiently explained.

"That's a story I'll save for another time. Right now let's just leave it at I have a lot to think about, and I was simply listening to the conversation ahead."

"But that's all the way in front. We're in the back. How can you hear? Or let me guess. You'll save that story for another time."

"Kili. You must understand that I don't really know you guys despite it being a fair amount of time, and I have a lot on my mind. The only person I've ever trusted was Dwalin. And now here I am with thirteen other dwarves, a wizard and a Hobbit, and I'm away from home. Have you ever considered I miss my home? Have you ever considered that I have a lot weighing on my mind about this journey? I will never come home to my house. I will never see my room again. I might die on this quest." I explained, my voice rising slightly.

"Iridian. You must understand that you're not the only one doing this. We left our mother. We promised her we'd come back. We know that we may never see her again. And we know just as well as you do that we could die. We miss our home too. We know the weight of this quest just as much as you do. At least we have a mother to go back to." Kili snapped. His eyes were blazing, the color of amber.

I gasped in surprise, and covered my mouth. His eyes returned to a normal color, a deep brown. What he said seemed to have just settled in his mind. "Iridian-" He started, reaching a hand out.

"Don't touch me, Kili." I said in a cold tone. I urged Nyx ahead a few paces, enough that I was between two groups of horses, and away from Kili. I heard the two arguing.

"That was not okay, Kili, using that. She's never been away from home. She's grown up with her and Dwalin. She's overwhelmed. The least you could have done was cut her some slack. She's a thoughtful girl. She knows she's not the only one. She has that fire in her eyes." Fili scolded. When Kili spoke, his voice was low, and defeated.

"I know, Fili. I didn't mean what I said. It just came out. I want to apologize, but I'm afraid she won't hear me, or even listen to me."

"Just give her time to cool off. She'll listen. As I said, she's thoughtful." Fili said. "That was still incredibly rude of you." He stated once again.

"Fili I know! Stop telling me. It's making me feel worse already." He snapped. The two descended into a silence that was tense. I made do for the rest of the day singing songs to myself, and listening in on conversations of the other dwarves. I settled into a floating mind state, reflecting on the argument.

*Kili's POV*

What had I done? How could I say that to her? I knew her parents were killed in an Orc raid, but what excuse did that give me to use that against her? Fili was right. That was rude, and insensitive. I regretted what I said immediately after I said it. But I couldn't take it back.

I might have ruined our friendship. How could I do that? She's a kind girl. She's obviously smart, very mature, with a dark sense of humor. Her smile is brilliant. She's beautiful, but not like a dwarf. Her eyes, ears, bone structure, is that not of a dwarf. Not completely. But she had to be... right?

She's a puzzle, shrouded in mystery. I wanted to figure out what went on in her head to make her so far away. I wanted to figure out every single nuance of her. From her quirks to her mannerisms, to her. She reminded me of the moon; mysterious, unexplainable, yet spontaneous. It was an understated beauty she had that compared to the moon. It was mesmerizing.

I had to apologize. I didn't want to lose such a sweet girl over something like this. I would apologize when we got to camp. Maybe then she'll share some of her secrets.

I stared at the back of Iridian's hair. It was so immaculate. There wasn't a hair out of place. Her braids were perfectly in the center of her hair, the styles the same length as each other, in the same spot. Her hair swayed in the slight breeze, and it moved in the same fashion as she did in the saddle. Flowing, beautiful. Her hips naturally swayed with the horse's movements. Her fighting was just as brilliant. She moved so fast, agile as a cat.

What was I saying? I've barely known her for a month, and I was already spouting this. Or had I seen her before? I had. She was the girl I ran into. She yelled at me for breaking her arrows. I remember the fact I went to Dwalin's house with uncle and mother, and she had made the stew. I gave her back arrow. She was beautiful. I'm shocked I didn't recognize her until now.

 A melodic sound reached my ears, interrupting me. It was Iridian. She was singing. I loved her voice. It was so beautiful, so pure, so unique. How she sang with us was something I enjoyed. I wanted to hear her sing again. Her speech is similar to how she sings. Flowing, gorgeous, but mysterious. I wanted to hear her voice say my name again. But not how she did when she was mad.

I had to apologize. I was going to when we reached camp. I needed to let her think. Clearly that's something very important to her. Letting her be in her own thoughts. She's very observant, and quiet. She's an introvert, but once she opens up, she's amazing. I don't know how I feel for Iridian, but it's strong. One thing's for certain.

I cannot lose her.