JUST LIKE A BROKEN DOLL (BUT I STILL LOVE YOU)

BISLY 21 (Prologue)

Yunho froze when he saw the caller ID and stared stupidly at his smart phone. It's been so long... His fingers were slightly shaking when he finally answered the call.

"Hana?"

"Yun! How are you?"

"I-" Still shocked and confused, Yunho could only stutter. Today had been insane for him. "Fine. I'm fine." Considering I just got the confirmation I'm going to be a father, I guess the word fine is alright...

"Good! Guess what?! I'm back in Korea!"

Yunho winced. "Oh."

She laughed. Despite what had happened between them, the merry sound of her amusement still make him smile. However, now, Yunho wanted to curse at that unchangeable habit. She's not supposed to make him happy anymore. Frustratedly angry at himself, he stayed silent until her laughter quitened down.

"Oh dear, Yunho. Are you still upset? You can't possibly still be mad at me after all this time?"

Suddenly defensive, Yunho gripped his phone tighter than before. "I'm sorry I don't know I shouldn't be upset after my fiance suddenly cancelled our engagement and went off to engage with a celebrity instead."

"Oh Yunho." Hana sounded sympathetic which was odd because Yunho wanted his words to cut and linger; made her guilty and regretful. He doesn't understand her pity and doesn't need such emotion directed at him. Not now when he's feeling like crap himself.

"And sorry if I have no idea why the said fiance suddenly contacted me acting like she never abandoned me and ruined my happy-ever-after." His voice hard and loud, Yunho found himself thankful he'd already left the hospital. He's sure his current mood and volume won't be tolerated in any hospital.

The other line went silent for a while. "Yun, are you okay?"

"I-" He messed with his hair in annoyance. It's crazy now that he finally heard from her again, all he thought about was to ask her opinion on what he should do about Jaejoong. He groaned and decided begrudgingly to just follow his feeling. "I don't know, Hana. I don't know. My life's been hell since you left. A lot of things happened. I think- I think I raped someone, Hana." Her scandalous gasp did nothing to stop his rambling. "I can't really remember it but I'm getting these flashes of what happened and it really looked like I- like I forced myself on him. I just- Oh goddamnit. I ruined someone's life, Hana! I raped him but I accused him of seducing me and I even gave him money for that and told him to disappear. What kind of man do that?" He laughed bitterly, ashamed and regretful. "I don't want to be like my father, you know I never wanted to be like him. But I- Shit, I'm going to be a father, you know? I'm going to be a father... But I- I chased him away. I even hit him. No wonder he left without telling me. If it wasn't for our junior, I wouldn't even know he was pregnant. And can you believe I raped a virgin, Hana? I did. The doctor said he's so clueless about the pregnancy the baby almost didn't settle inside him. I- Fuck- I don't know what to do. I don't even know where he went. I hurt him so bad, Hana. What should I do?"

"Yun..." She started warily. "This man you're talking about... Is it... Is it Kim Jaejoong?"

He sighed.

"Oh god Yunho! How could you! That guy breathe and live for you!"

"... What?"

"Oh my god Yun, what did you do? I thought after I broke the engagement, you'll finally see his feelings for you and reciprocate him... I never thought- Oh god, it's because of me isn't it? Oh god, what have I done?"

"Hana-"

"He's so in love with you it hurts to just even look at him, Yunho. How could you be blind after all this time? How could you do that? Not everyone's like your parents, Yun. Not everyone. Jaejoong would even die for you if you ask him to. Oh god Yun, you have to find him. You have to beg for his forgiveness! You have to!"

"But I- He must hate me now." He frowned as soon as the words left his mouth. He's actually surprised that he's scared of Jaejoong's rejection instead of terrified for the responsibilty he must shoulder. 

"Oh Yunho... My poor Yunho. You already fall for him, didn't you?"

"I- I don't know what you mean."

"Oh Yunho, why did you push him away? Why did you deny your feelings? You can't live in the past Yunho. You can't be afraid. Look at what happened."

Yunho felt exhausted all of a sudden. "... Why did you call, Hana? Why?"

She didn't answer for a very long time. When she did, her voice was just a mere whisper. "Because I missed you... I missed you, Yun. You're always a family to me."

"I-" Yunho sighed tiredly into the phone. He missed her, oh god yes he does, but why does things feel so complicated now? "Hana- I- I- Fuck."

"Yunho... Don't think too much. Find him. Love him. You have to try."

"... I don't love him." Because I love you.

"Okay." She kept quiet for a while. "Okay. If you say so. But at least, take responsibility of your child Yunho. I know you. You're going to be a terrific father. You will, trust me."

Unexpectedly, Yunho found himself smiling at that thought. A father...

I'm going to be a father.