JUST LIKE A BROKEN DOLL (BUT I STILL LOVE YOU)

JLABD 20

"So...?" Jaejoong prompted gently when Yunho said nothing to respond. "The operation... How long do I have left?"

Yunho tried to smile. It was forced. Fake. "You still have at least two more hours before they'll come and prepare you. Don't worry J, it's just a small operation. Everything will be okay."

Jaejoong smiled and reckoned the man to come closer. There's no need to say it out loud. Jaejoong himself knew he'd lowered his own chance of survival by rejecting and postponing the operation before. He felt the effect every single seconds. Poor Yunhoyah, worying over me... After some hesitation, Jaejoong focused all his strength into taking one of Yunho's tightly fisted hand to bring it near his mouth. Pleased at the lack of resistance, Jaejoong closed his eyes blissfully. Slowly, as he opened his eyes, he pressed his lips on the back of the man's hand. As expected, Yunho showed no disgust now. So we both learn... We both lost and learn... It's all because of you baby, all you... Thank you, baby... Thank you... Immensely grateful that despite everything, his baby succeeded making his parents depend on each other like this, Jaejoong only stop the kiss when Yunho finally relaxed enough to look him in the eyes.

"Yunhoyah... Don't be afraid. I will make it. Everything will be okay."

"But-" Yunho closed his mouth and looked away. He took a deep breath and turned back to smile at Jaejoong. It was a small one but at least, it's real. "I trust you. I won't worry if you promise you'll be okay... Promise?"

Jaejoong nodded. "Our baby will get mad if I leave you alone." He explained softly. His heart ached still, there was no use denying it, but he's getting better at dealing with the pain. After all, he's not the only one suffering. "Our baby love you." Even more than I love you, I think. Jaejoong recalled the times the baby protested his action for not talking and seeing his Appa. The memory made him cry again when he remembered the incident of their loss. Forgive me baby... But never again I'll reject your Appa, I promise... I will love your Appa for you... I will love him for both of us...

"J, why are you crying?"

Jaejoong used to dream about this. He used to wish for a nickname... to have his Yunho's undivided attention... Nonetheless, it's somewhat bittersweet now that he finally had his dreams come true.

"Yunhoyah... I love you."

"I-"

"It's okay." Jaejoong smiled. His heart might've been broken a long time ago but now he realized, the traces of his feelings for Yunho was never gone. His memory of loving Yunho had never really disappeared. All this time, he only pretended. All this time, he ignored the love and focused on the hurt. But not anymore. "From the beginning... I never dreamed for you to love me back. I only want you to be happy..."

"J- I- I-"

Jaejoong smiled in understanding. He knew all along, ever since Yunho came and dragged him back into his life, that the man already realized his mistakes. At the back of his mind, Jaejoong already knew back then. It's only his stupid fear and silly thought that made him refuse the possibility of Yunho regretting his actions... of Yunho wanting to redeem his wrongs... But now there's no reason for him to doubt anymore. Yunhoyah's still here because he care... There's no other reason for him to still be here... I already lost the baby... No reason left for him to stand by me...  "I forgive you. Yunhoyah... I forgive you. For everything."

Yunho's eyes widened.

"I never regret knowing you. My only regret is... even though I never intended to... I regret breaking your trust... and ruining your happiness..."

"J!"

"Listen, Yunhoyah. When this is over, can we go back to the way things were before? No, no. I mean, can we start over? Let us be friends for real this time."

Yunho frowned but Jaejoong looked away. "You- You asked me to stay for you... Right? So-" Jaejoong closed his eyes. I have to do this. "So, you cannot leave me too. But, don't think I'm forcing you into a relationship! It's not like that! I just want to be near you... I will not ask for your love, Yunhoyah. I only want to be present in your life... Even as a friend, it's okay. I want to be with you. Yunhoyah, I just want to see you every day." And I want to make you happy... I will find a way to make you find happiness... Baby would want that, I know... Baby want us to be happy and if you're happy, baby knows I will be happy too. "Even if you'll fall in love and marry one day, you cannot abandon me... You can't. We must be friends until the day I die. We-"

"Can you stop saying all this nonsense?!" Yunho suddenly growled out loud, stepping back just a little to glare heatedly at Jaejoong. "Stop talking about dying damnit! You're going to be fine! You promised me! You'll live! And you'll live longer than me because I want you to!"

Jaejoong blinked in shock when Yunho grabbed his hand and suddenly pushed a ring into his finger.

"Yu- Yunhoyah?"

"I bought this ring when I found out about the baby." Yunho couldn't lift his head to look at Jaejoong during his confession. He kept staring at the ring, noting how loose it was considering how much weight Jaejoong lost after the miscarriage. He had wasted too much time and lost just as much. "I- It's yours... Just like me. I am yours."

Jaejoong couldn't understand a thing. "Wha- Yunhoyah? I- What?"

"I'll tell you everything after tonight. I swear. So, you have to be okay... You hear me? You can't leave me."

Jaejoong tried. "I don't-"
 
"You have to come back." Cutting Jaejoong's sentence, Yunho stepped back and reached for the door. With his back facing Jaejoong, he promised. "I will wait for you..."

And then he left. Suddenly alone, Jaejoong found himself staring at the silver ring in confusion and disbelief.

What is the meaning of this?

And just now...

Is it real or just another of my dream?

Did my Yunhoyah...

Did he really said 'I love you' before he left?

It's finally THE END for part 1; Just Like a Broken Doll... but their story will be continued in part 2; But I still Love You.   ;-).  Goodbye everyone! It's been a long journey! Harap-harap yang follow fic ni akan terus support part 2 yang akan fokus pada Yunho dan perkembangan hubungan YunJae nanti. Aku akan update di sini juga, jangan risau kayh! Bye-bye!!!