JUST LIKE A BROKEN DOLL (BUT I STILL LOVE YOU)

JLABD 19

It was by accident that Jaejoong noticed how the man almost stumbled upon his step while giving way for the nurse to clean him. It was on impulse that Jaejoong chanced a stare at the man; to really look at him again because he never had the courage before, and only then that he realized his Yunhoyah had become a stranger.

Yunhoyah's once confident eyes were now hollow. Bleak.

Yunhoyah's once full cheeks now sunken. Helpless.

Yunhoyah's once strong posture now nothing. Broken.

This man is not my Yunhoyah...

But he is Yunho...

No my Yunhoyah's not like this...

But he is Yunho...

No he- Jaejoong choked. He can't deny his consciousness anymore. I'm so sorry, Yunhoyah... He's unable to believe his own lie anymore. I killed the baby... The baby's really gone, isn't it? I killed our baby...

A drop of tear escaped Jaejoong's eyes. Without even realizing it, without even making a sound, he finally let himself mourn the sad truth.

"Mr. Kim? Are you alright?" The nurse wiped his tears hastily. Her frown a clear sign of her anxiety considering Jaejoong was still categorized as mentally unstable. "Are you hurting anywhere? Do you need me to call the doctor?"

Jaejoong croaked out a pathetic whimper. His voice terribly hoarse for the lack of use. "I want Yunhoyah... Yunhoyah... I want my Yunhoyah... I want-"

"Jaejoong?" Yunho suddenly entered the room again and immediately took over the nurse's place, his face sickened and worried just as much as hers if not more. "Shhh it's okay everything's okay. Don't cry Jaejoong, I'm here Jaejoong. Please stop... Tell me what's wrong, Jaejoong? Please..."

"Baby..." Seeing Yunho made no attempt to hold him, even just a single touch, Jaejoong clutched the front of his shirt and tugged the man closer.

He wanted to die.

It's not just him. The baby belonged to both of them. The baby's not just his.

And Yunhoyah... Yunhoyah loved the baby so much. Jaejoong had never seen Yunho loved anything or anyone apart from Hana that much but he's so useless.

He can't even take care of the baby.

His Yunho was right all along. The baby will never survive with him. I lost it. See? Yunhoyah knew sooner or later I'll kill the baby but I still want to keep the baby alone. That was so stupid. He was just selfish. He thought he could do it. He thought he could care for the baby on his own. Now look at what he'd done. He doesn't deserve the baby. It's all because of him.

He doesn't want to forget the past.

He doesn't want to accept Yunho's help.

He doesn't want to let go of his hurt.

He doesn't want to believe Yunho's apology.

He doesn't want to be honest with himself.

He doesn't want to tell Yunho anything.

Now, look at what happened... The baby's gone because he's too stubborn! Yes, it's all my fault! I did this! I caused our baby to die! Jaejoong cried harder. "Our baby Yunho... Our baby's gone. I'm so sorry... I'm so sorry..."

Yunho looked shocked at his words. "Calm down Jaejoong, please. It's not your fault."

"It's my fault! I killed our baby! Why didn't I die too?! I should've died with our baby!"

"Jaejoong! It's nobody's fault! Please Jaejoong, stop it. Come back, please come back to me... You can't do this to me." Suddenly the man started crying too. "Don't do this to me, Jaejoong... The baby's gone but you're still here. You're still here. Don't do this to me please, don't leave me..." Yunho's voice was grim and Jaejoong knew the , the man was trying hard not to break down even more for him. All this time, the man was holding on for both their sake. "Let the baby go, Jaejoong. For me Jaejoong... For us... Just, please, let the baby go... Our baby's somewhere better, I know. I'm sure."

Hesitating no more, Yunho finally hugged him back.

Jaejoong whimpered again and buried himself in Yunho's embrace, finally letting go and moving on.

Daddy's so sorry baby, Daddy's really sorry... Daddy will fix everything, Daddy will... Daddy will try his best just like what you want... But don't forget us baby... Promise Daddy you'll wait for me and your Appa... Promise? We love you so much...

Goodbye baby...

Goodbye...

We'll never forget you...