Jiyeon's Diary
"I'm sorry Jiyeon-ah." I heard Nickhun saying to me.
We were on the balcony just outside the hall where the party was being held. I could still see the people inside, dancing and talking but I couldn't seem to hear them. All I could hear was a constant humming. You could see the city lights sparkling below us. The winter air that was blowing that night was harsh and cold. I was shaking terribly but not because of the temperature dropping fast but because of the painful truth I had to endure that night.
When Nickhun came to me earlier saying he wanted to talk to me, my heart started to pound inside. It was so loud and strong that I could clearly hear it humming inside my ear. I was afraid Nickhun could hear it so I kept clenching my chest hoping to stop it from pounding so loudly.
"Jiyeon-ah," Nickhun called out, sounding worried. He might've noticed my lack of response that he started to get worried.
"NO!" I almost screamed, raising my hand. What was I thinking? I already saw it coming so why am I so upset about this? "Don't."
"But—"
"Let me just—" I was having a hard time breathing. "Let me just catch my breath first."
Nickhun hesitated but remained to stand still. I found myself breathing just fine again. I was in control at last. I was still grabbing on to the railing to make sure I wouldn't fall. I looked at Nickhun and couldn't seem to get the idea of losing him inside my head. I loved Nickhun too much and couldn't bear to lose him.
"Jiyeon-ah." Nickhun looked like he was begging.
He looked concerned. I knew Nick cared for me and loved me but not as much as I did. Every time we're together, all he can see is a sister. My chest tightened. I love Nick. I love him so much that it hurts
"I love you Nick." I cried and Nickhun looked devastated seeing me like that.
Ah! He really is a good person. That was why I loved him. He was so kind and gentle. That's right you love him Ham Jiyeon. You want him to be happy. And what would you do make that happen? I bit my lip so hard that I thought I tasted blood. You knew there's only one way for that to happen right? All you need to do is to let go.
I wiped my tears away and turned away from NIckhun. "Ah! I'm getting tired of this anyway." I laughed bitterly. "I'm tired of feeling miserable all the time."
NIckhun bit his lip and looked away. He was blaming himself for my pain. "Jiyeon-ah—"
"Stop right there." I told him. Nickhun immediately pursed his lips. Maybe he felt so guilty that he was being so obedient to me that day. "I won't let you break this engagement."
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A Rich Kid's Diary
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