Insanity (Sequel To Madness)

Swimming

I make my way up the steps, my blanket dragging the whole way. I now stand in front of the front door, it almost seems foreign to me. I haven't seen it in so long, it doesn't look real anymore. I raise my hand slightly and punch the door a few times. I move my arms slightly to make it easier to have the blanket. When I left, Wade didn't care that I took the blanket. Probably because it was one of the ones I left there. I just never liked the color or any of the patterns. But now that I've had it for a few days, it doesn't seem so bad.
"Come by later! Shane isn't home!" A deep voice shouts from inside. I take in a breath before responding.
"I'm not here for Shane, I'm here because I want to be home." I shout back, curling my lips into a smile that quickly falls, I can't even pretend anymore. The door swings open almost instantly and Mark stands on the other side. His hair is a mess, looks like it hasn't been combed in days. He has tear stains all around his big, slightly red colored, brown eyes and down his cheeks, all the way to his chin. Even his eyelashes are wet from crying. I guess I'm not the only one who's been a mess through all this.
"You still look beautiful, I'm glad you came back." Mark says, opening his arms for an embrace. I slowly walk inside my home and allow Mark to hug me.
"Mark? Who is it?" A female voice calls from inside the home. Elise runs around the corner, she's probably doing Shane's work for him now. If he's distracted like he has been, his work could definitely be suffering with him.
"Oh, Mrs. Lancaster, I'm so glad you came home. I'll go contact Shane, I'm sure he'll be pleased to hear that you're back." Elise says happily with a kind smile on her face, much like the one Bella wore on my wedding day.
"Okay..." I reply in a mumble, slightly into Mark's chest in front of me. Elise nods and runs back around the corner to contact Shane. What a shame, he'll probably leave work for me now.
"I've missed you even after Wade's updates about you." Mark tells me in a hushed tone. I figured that's how Wade knew about Mark's feelings, he talked to him almost daily I'd guess.
"I was grieving, I still am. I couldn't see many people..." I whisper back in barely understandable voice, like a mumble.
"I get it, I'm just glad that you came here." Mark whispers and kisses my forehead lovingly, closing his eyes, making it more passionate.
"I didn't come for you, you know..." I say, glancing around the house. It looks untouched since I was here last. Everything is clean and completely organized, just the way Shane has always had it.
"What did you come for then? Your fak husband? Your mansion on the hills?" Mark whispers to me in an annoyed tone.
"I came so that Wade would stop bugging me about it. I still don't forgive you, or Shane for that matter. So, if you don't mind I want to go to my room." I say, making my way out of Mark's grip and starting up the stairs. Mark simply stares at me, I can feel him looking at me even as I enter my room and close the door behind me. I turn to face my actual bedroom and see something that immediately brings tears to my eyes. The crib still sits in the corner of my room, completely untouched. I turn away from it and lean my head on the door as I instantly begin to sob. Just the memory bothers me anymore, and seeing this tears me inside again. I hear loud footsteps run upstairs and a loud knock at my door in front of me. I take a step back and open the door only to see Shane standing there. He looks out of breath and worried. He then reaches out for me and his hand lands on my shoulder. He let's out a sigh of relief and his eyes meet mine.
"I'm so glad that you came back." Shane says, breathing heavily. He looks at me, and my tears haven't stopped. I still have the image of the crib behind me haunting my mind, making everything come back. Shane looks inside my room and nods, his arms then engulf me and he holds me lovingly.
"I'll have it removed, I'm sorry that I didn't get to it sooner. Come, I have dinner ready for us downstairs and Elise is home." Shane says, slowly sliding his hand to mine and wrapping his fingers around mine.
"I-I don't know if I-I'm hungry r-right now. I just want to sleep a-and forget everything." I stutter, sniffling through all my tears.
"Have you eaten today?" Shane questions me cautiously before letting me go. I turn my vision away from him and don't respond.
"You need to eat, my dear. It won't get any better if you don't, and I wanted to tell you, I sent 5 teams to go search for Jack." Shane informs me, his other hand cupping my face.
"You have six teams total, right?" I question him, taking in a shaky breath to calm myself.
"Yes... I only have one still here... It's Team 4. I wanted to ask you if you wanted to go in search with them." Shane explains, his bright blue eyes piecing me while he looks at me. I look at him, slightly confused.
"You mean... You're just going to let me go? That easily?" I ask him, tilting my head in confusion.
"I feel that you need time away from me, and I trust that the team will protect you. I also know that you want Jack more than anyone, and I thought you might want to be on the front lines on the search." Shane says, his all business tone coming back. I nod in agreement, he's right after all.
"All of that is true... When do they leave?" I ask, raising my hand to wipe off all my tears. The rivers on my cheeks have finally stopped, probably because my mind is now going elsewhere.
"Whenever you order them to. You will be in full command of them all and ordering the operation. They will suit you up and give you weapons. Now, with that, do you want anything else?" Shane questions me as he rubs his finger over my cheek in a soothing way. I take a few seconds to think before I reply.
"Can I speak to Bella?" I ask, my eyes locking with his.
"Of course. I'll get her here as soon as possible." Shane says with a nod. I nod back and stare at him awkwardly. "Now, let's go eat." Shane says assertively as he gently pulls me by the arm towards him. He puts his hand on my waist and I just stay by his side while we walk. I guess I'm still his delicate little wife, even after what happened. With every step I can feel myself slowly starting to drown again. Just being near Shane is doing it I think. I take another step and remember the first time I saw him when I woke up. Tears in my eyes and the news that my child was dead still sinking in. I'm still wearing my wedding dress, I haven't dared changed out of it. Apparently for the surgery they just had to lift it, as they didn't have time to rip it. I also assume that Shane paid too my h money for it, and he didn't want it ruined. That, and that I wouldn't have had any clothes afterwards and that's no way for his wife to be seen. We finally get to the bottom of the stairs and I feel myself almost vomit right there. All of my memories and thoughts attacking me all at once, it makes me weak.
"Can I go to the restroom real quick?" I ask in a shaky tone. Shane looks at me and nods, releasing his hand from me. I take in a deep breath before I make my way to the downstairs bathroom. I get inside and close the door hard. I sit on the floor and bury my face in my knees and hands.
"You really are pathetic." Kate says suddenly.
"What a time for you to speak up." I mumble back to her, annoyed.
"Oh, I've been watching. But it's really boring, you've just been whining about everything and then crying. Then you go and blame Mark and Shane, even though they didn't do anything wrong." Kate sighs while she speaks, only emphasizing her words more.
"Well I'm so sorry that my life is boring for you Kate. Because right now my life is a living Hell and you're just helping it along." I say, slightly raising my voice as more anger builds up inside me.
"Oh my God, see what I mean? Whine, whine, whine about nothing! It's been over a week, get over it! You didn't even know your girl, okay? So why don't you just woman-the-fuck-up and get over it?!" Kate screams from inside my head, eachoing around my mind for a few more seconds. I take in a shaky breath, realizing that she's actually right. I never did ever meet Marisa, and I never will. Perhaps that's what tears me up, perhaps it's the fact that, again, I couldn't save people I care about. I may never know what it is that really tears me up with all this, but I do know that it's time for me to stop drowning. I stand up from the cold tile in the bathroom and open up the door. I take in a deep, shaky breath, Violet Lancaster has started swimming again.