Insanity (Sequel To Madness)

Together

After what feels like hours of crying into Mark, I finally stop. Mark had stopped a while ago and simply ran his fingers through my hair while I sobbed into him. He didn't try to stop me or push me away, he knows better. He just allowed me to let out all my emotions in this single moment.
"I'm... I'm so sorry... I d-didn't mean to cry all... all over you." I apologize, taking in deep breathes and still trying to pull myself together.
"Don't worry about that. We both needed to cry, and it's healthier for us this way." Mark explains in a hushed voice, holding me close, leaning his head in my shoulder. I nod lightly with my entire body shaking under all the stress and sadness inside me. Mark simply runs his soft fingers over my back and kisses my forehead kindly.
"I know, I know... I miss him too..." Mark mumbles into the top of my head. I feel my legs go limp from all the shaking they're doing and let myself fall into Mark's arms, which he graciously allows me to.
"I... I didn't e-even get t-to say goodbye..." I stutter as a fee more tears begin to drip from my eyes. Mark continues to hold me up and still has the strength to run his smooth fingers over my back.
"Oh, Violet... I'm so sorry..." Mark mumbles, moving his head to rest on my shoulder. My fingers grip his back and slwoly dig into his skin through his ripped shirt. I bury my face into his chest and begin sobbing softly there.

***

"Sorry... I just can't stop crying lately." I apologize as I wipe a few more tears from under my eyes.
"Don't apologize, you have a right to be sad right now." Wade tells me with a nod. We sit in silence for a few moments until it is broken by words being spoken.
"Do you know where Shane went off to?" Mark asks me while his fingers gently rub over my arms. I sit in his lap and I've let myself fall into him comfortably.
"He went to take control from Ian and told me to stay safe... Whatever that's supposed to mean..." I mumble in response to Mark.
"That's understandable. Should we go give him help? I'm not sure how many people hr has on his side right now." Wade comments.
"Help him if you want, I can't bring myself to fight right now... Not after what's happened because of my fighting..." I trail off and stare at my hands that are currently squeezed into fists.
"I don't think any of us should go right now. Yes, Shane needs friends, but we need to heal right now, and we need each other more right now." Bob states, crossing his arms and nodding slowly. I glance up at him and then back down at my hands... The hands that for some reason, always end up killing everyone I care about. I can't look at myself right now, I can't face what I've truly done. I lay back onto Mark and rest my head on his shoulder by the crook of his neck. He simply wraps his arms over me and holds me close to him, not even asking my reasons or saying a word.
"I know that, but what if the compound is taken back by Ian? I think it's more important to help Shane get the compound back before we relax." Wade argues.
"You have a point..." I mumble.
"I'm going to help him, wherever he is." Wade states as he stands from his chair in the corner.
"He'll probably be at the wall. Ian put his base there and Shane will find our soon, if he hasn't already." I tell him as I close my eyes and completely let myself fall into Mark.
"Thanks. I'll check there first." Wade announced before he heads outside to go help my husband.
"I'll go help him, you know Wade..." Bob says with a small chuckle.
"Yeah, I do..." Mark giggles back to Bob and leans his head on my temple. I hear the front door open once more and then it's just Mark and I.

I suddenly feel Mark kiss my cheek, the scruff from his beard rubbing against my face. He really was beaten badly, not as bad as before, but I can tell that Mark is even more broken than last time I saw him.
"I never stopped loving you... I was just mad, and it wasn't aimed at you... I was furious because I couldn't do anything... I'm so useless these days and I took it out on you. I'm so sorry." I whisper as tears begin to slide out of my close eyes.
"You are not useless, Violet. We both have had really bad losses recently, and you had a right to be mad at me... Considering what I agreed to... What I put us both through." Mark mumbles into my neck.
"You didn't do anything wrong, I always end up fucking everything up. I always have, and I probably always will..." I mumble back while I take in a deep breath.
"Don't be so hard on yourself, none of this is your fault." Mark tells me as he kisses an area by my jawline sweetly.
"I... It just hurts... So bad... First, I lost Marisa and I could feel myself being torn apart... But now it's all so much worse... Because it was Jack this time. He was the first one of you that I've met, and now I can't stand to even think about what happened. I just... I wish I could forget everything so that I could physically and mentally move on without him being on the back of my mind... But, I can't forget... And at the same time, I don't ever want to forget, so that one day I can tell everyone how he died a hero... And..." I trail off when my sobs begin taking the best of me and I begin crying hard into Mark. My hands grab onto his shirt and squeeze, as if that would ease my pain more. Pits in my stomach form and it just makes my shake my head.
"I know... I know..." Mark mumbles in a hushed tone. I inhale deeply and shake my head once more, making all my tears messily spread on Mark.
"I... I'm s-sorry..." I stutter between breathes that my lungs need direly right now.
"Its okay... It will all be okay... I'll make sure of it..." Mark whispers directly into my ear. I nod lightly and close my eyes while I lay on Mark.
"I love you..." He whispers right before I doze off.
"I love you too..." I manage to reply, and then I completely fall asleep.