Insanity (Sequel To Madness)

True Sorrow

The streets outside are still quiet and almost seem dead. I make my way up the porch steps of my old home and twist the knob open. Inside sits Wade tied to a chair with blood, tears and sweat coving his body. His eyes lock on me when I walk in and instantly tears come out of his eyes. He must've seen Jack. I gently lean over and set down my love on the couch around the corner. I then make my way to Wade and untie a cloth that had been in Wade's mouth when I entered. I then undo what turn out to be zip ties around his wrists and the chair. Wade sobs and wraps his arms around my tightly almost instantly. I return that action and can't help my sobs anymore.
"Why does everyone I love die?" I question through deep breathes and tears. Wade shakes his head and begins to slow down his immense sobs.
"I don't know... But I do know, that whatever happened, it wasn't your fault." Wade responds, not loosening his grip even a little. I shake my head and more tears begin to make rivers down my face.
"It was my fault this time... And I know it..." I gasp for air as my lungs don't feel effective anymore. The knot in my stomach is too big now.
"Just... Explain what happened." Wade soothes, rubbing his hand over my back. I nod and take in a few deep, shaky breathes.
"Ian... He was doing a... Roulette type thing with him... He said, which one do I start with? And Jack pushed me away, he wouldn't let me save him... He wouldn't let me play his stupid game... If I had... Then at least Jack would be alive.." I sob, pushing my face into Wade's shoulder to conceal myself from the world. To hide my face from the terrible facts that circle me.
"He would've hated himself if he was alive instead of you... He would've regretted the decision all his life, and we wouldn't ever move on. And, just you being alive, I know he'd be happy with that... But what he wouldn't be happy with, is you blaming yourself for this. It was Ian, and Jack's choice, it had nothing to do with you, other than that you were a witness. Don't blame yourself, that's not what he would want for you. He saved you to give you an opportunity for you to live your life to the fullest. Even if he isn't there beside you, I know he'll be watching." Wade whispers making my face even more stained from all the tears that slide down my cheeks. I know he's right though, Jack would want me to be strong and move past this. He's probably laughing at me from how pathetic I've become. I cry every night, I curl into a ball like I did when I was a child, and I carry around his body like it's another part if myself. Through my efforts to become strong again, I've fallen back down again, and I'm weak once more. It always comes back to that, my weaknesses taking over. I'm so pathetic, and it should have been me instead of Jack. Even if he was miserable, at least he wouldn't be pathetically weak like me. At least he'd be able to live and keep moving forward, unlike me. Jack was the only person who could help me to become strong, happy and he made me so, so, so relaxed. He was able to soothe me so easily, and no one else can do that. Suddenly, behind me, I hear the loud bang of a gun going off and people shouting in the streets. But, they're not shouting orders or cheers, they shout my name. I release from Wade and look at him with a confused look on my face. He stands weakly and limos his way with me to the front door. I pull it open and look outside, Wade staggering to copy my actions.
"Violet!" Another scream outside that echoes in my head, bouncing around every place it can.
"Violet!" Another shout that only makes my headache worse.
"Violet... Go get them." Wade demands, looking over to me with a nod. I look back outside and take in shaky breathes. Mark and Bob walk the streets with large guns in their hands. They both look awful. With they're hair being completely matted and clothes being torn around the edges. Mark walks with a subtle limp and Bob looks to have a piece if cloth wrapped around his left wrist as if it was injured in some way.
"Go get them, I would, but I can't walk well right now." Wade explains, turning his head back to face me again.
"I..." I look at Mark and sweat forms on my forehead with nervousness. What if he's mad at me too? What if he hates me because it was Jack instead of me? Or worse... What if he thinks that I'll immediately love him now that Jack is gone?
"Fine, I'll just yell for them." Wade scoffs. He limps a little more and pulls the door so it isn't just cracked.
"Hey, guys!" Wade shouts at them and they both instantly turn their heads and begin our way. I step away from the door and sit on the side of the couch near Jack. I let my fingers fall into his hair and I gently move them around his decaying scalp.

I hear footsteps as they come up the small steps to my old home.
"Hey, Wade... Are you alright?" I hear Bob's voice speak as Wade gives a slight embrace to Bob.
"Oh, just a little roughed up. I'll be fine." Wade says with a nod and they release. Bob enters the home and he looks around until his eyes fall onto me. He sighs and slowly takes steps towards me. He then does the one thing that breaks me inside. He looks at the couch. His breath hitches and he looks away, back to me.
"Oh, kid." He says, embracing me, but I don't return it. I sit, limply on the couch while Bob hugs me tightly.
"I'm really sorry that happened to you." He says, letting go of me and giving me the space I really need right now.
"Violet?" Mark questions frantically as he enters. His eyes meet mine and a soft smile of relief goes onto his face.
"Violet..." He says, out of breath while he approaches me. I have to avoid his eyes when he gets close enough to see Jack. Tears begin dripping out of my eyes and Mark drops to the floor, crying. He grabs my loose hand and messily kisses it about 15 times. He holds onto it tightly and shakes his head on it while he sobs loudly. I sob in return until I can't stand touching Jack anymore, the sorrow is just too much. With my free hand, I clench it and slam it over my eyes, wiping my tears ad they come and trying to cover up my loud cries with my wrist. Mark stands up shakily and takes ahold of me by my waist. He then moves them so they wrap around me and he embraces me tightly. He kisses my cheek so many times. Oh, so many times. Out of instinct I grab onto Mark, wrapping both my arms around his neck and loudly sobbing into his shoulder. I completely break down. My legs feel like jello, my body feels like it's cracking, my eyes pour out a rain that feels like it will never end, I scream out of the pain I feel inside, and I never feel like it'll stop. It hurts so bad, it hurts like I'm slowly being torn apart from the inside and there's nothing I can do about it. It feels like I'm never going to be happy again, and that I'm just never going to stop crying. This, is what true sorrow feels like.