5SOS IMAGINES AND PREFERENCES

TFIOS by Troye Sivan xx

ASHTON: 'You lost, part of your existence in the war, against yourself...'

"Please come out of bed, babe. Your friends are here," Ashton spoke softly, attempting to coax me out of bed. But I couldn't. My bed was my comfort zone, I don't want to venture out. My boyfriend climbed in, tucking himself under the blankets and facing me. The sadness in his eyes was almost unbearable, I'd never wanted him to feel like I was. His large hand rested on my cheek, he was biting his lip and stroking the space right under my eye with his thumb. I could see the water welling in his lovely hazel eyes and one tear finally broke free. I shook my head, wiping it away as my own tears fell. "Don't cry, Ash. Please..." I spoke just above a whisper as he turned his head down towards his feet, biting that damned lip of his. "I just... I miss you." He confessed, looking me in the eyes once again. I let my tears and emotions escape, starting to sob as he pulled me into his arms. "I don't want to change, i don't want to go through this, I just want to be my whole self again. I'm scared Ashton, what if I'm never myself again?" He shook his head, holding me tighter and kissing my hair. He rubbed my back, whispering the only words I had remembered all throughout my treatment. "There's just a part of you that's lost, it's just trying to catch up baby. You'll be okay. Okay?" I nodded, looking him in his reddened hazel eyes. "Okay."

LUKE: 'And I don't wanna let this go, I don't wanna lose control. I just wanna see the stars with you...'

"I can't do it Luke. I just." "Don't say that. Just, please. Don't. I can't think of that, just keep fighting please." Luke's eyes were pleading as he spoke in a raspy voice, the exhaustion he was feeling taking a toll on his voice. Our late night/early morning conversation had turned to this, this confessional between us. And I told him the truth. "I need you to fight, I can't lose you..." He avoided my eyes, and I could tell by his voice that he was about to cry. When he spoke it sounded muggy, as if his throat was developing a lump that he couldn't swallow. I shook my head, taking his hands in mine and tracing the many calluses that graced his fingers. "I have been... It's just so hard..." My own tears escaped one by one, rolling down my cheeks and leaving clear, salty paths as they fell. His right hand reached up and brushed the tears off my face, and looking into my watery eyes. "I know, baby. But just think of all of the things you haven't done yet, the things we haven't done yet," I looked at him, my eyes softening as I went through my mental bucket list. "We haven't gone to that amusement park, we haven't traveled together on our own, we haven't kissed in the rain..." Luke spoke softly, thinking of all the things in world we've always wanted to do. "We haven't seen the stars..." I added quietly, watching a small smile spread onto his face as he remembered the hundreds of times I had mentioned star gazing with him. "Exactly. We haven't seen the stars. So just hold on, okay?" He bit his lip, searching my eyes as he waited for my response. "Okay."

MICHAEL: 'The pain, it's determined and demanding to ache, but I'm okay...'

"Are you alright, darling?" Michael questioned, carrying me to couch from the front door and laying me down. I nodded, not having the strength to speak after my treatment. I reached out and brushed his hair out of his eyes as he kneeled next to the couch, smiling softly at me. "You can tell me the truth, I want to know how you're really feeling..." He spoke quietly, bringing his hand up to collect mine, lacing our fingers together and squeezing gently. I watched the smooth movement, bringing my tired eyes back to Michael's. "I'm tired. And I don't like this. But I'll be fine, it's going to be okay..." Michael's face softened and he gently stood and lifted my back up, wedging himself between me and the couch, wrapping his arms around me. "I wish I could make it go away, I wish I could make you happy again..." His voice was barely a whisper, his chin resting on my shoulder as he traced delicate circles into my over-sized shirt. I whispered back, taking one of his hands in mine, "It's alright Mikey, I'll be okay. I wish I could too, but the pain is demanding... But I'm okay... Please don't worry about little old me..." He shook his head against my shoulder, pressing his lip to the fabric. "I'm never going to stop worrying. You're my world darling, you're my sunshine... But I know you'll be okay." He spoke softly towards, as if it would lessen the pain and ache my body was feeling. "I'm going to fight, I promise I won't give up easily Michael... Okay?" He nodded, pressing his lips delicately to my temple and smoothing my hair back. "Okay."

CALUM: 'Oh, the lights, they light up in lights of sadness, telling you it's time to go...'
"I can't do it anymore Cal, it hurts too much... I can't..." Tears welled in my eyes as I clenched my weak hands into fists, the scratchy hospital sheets irritating my skin. But it didn't hurt as much as the ache and sharpness my body felt being waved over it. "No, baby girl, please just keep fighting, it's almost gone. We're so close to the end, please..." Calum kneeled next to my bed, brushing my hair out of my face as tears filled his brown eyes. I shook my head, refusing to hear his words. "Don't make this harder Calum, please. I can't fight anymore, I have to give up. I'm sorry." He grabbed my hand, wrapping it in both of his larger ones. "Baby, I love you so much. You can get through this, please. Don't give it up just yet. Please, hold on a little longer..." His voice was gentle, and it was soothing me to close my eyes. I kept them open as best as I could, shaking my head and waving him closer. He obliged and laid with me on the bed, our faces only inches apart. I reached my hand up, resting it on his cheek and wiping away the tears that had fallen already. "I have to go Cal. It's inevitable, better now than later." I mumbled, my voice becoming too much of a task to keep at a normal volume. "Not for your family, or your friends, or me. I know it's selfish but I'm not ready like you are. I can't let you get away." "That's okay that you're not ready, to be honest I'm not either. But I know that it's time. But please promise me that you will go out after I'm gone. Promise that you'll continue making music 'cause its your passion. Use music to say goodbye. Write a melody that reminds you of me, write a song about how much you love life. But please, please promise me that you'll go on and find love because you deserve someone who can be with you and stay with you for the rest of your life. Promise me that, okay?" He nodded,tears streaming down both of our faces as he leaned in and kissed me for one of the last times. He pulled away, whispering against my lips, "Okay."