Strangest of Places || Teen Wolf

S2x11 - Battlefield || Part One

SAMANTHA STILINSKI

I was currently in the guidance office. The school thought it was a good idea to get our feelings out about the 'Matt' incident. The others had gone and now it was my turn. Dad had said this morning that he thought it was a good idea to talk my feelings out with the counselor. But I don't think that was his only reason. I think he was scared that I was going to get bad again.

"You know when you're drowning, you don't actually inhale until right before you black out. It's called voluntary apnea. It's like no matter how much you're freaking out, the instinct to not let any water in is so strong that you won't open your mouth until you feel like your head's exploding. But then when you finally do let it in, that's when it stops hurting. It's not scary anymore. It's - it's actually kind of peaceful," I told Ms. Morrell.

"Are you saying you hope Matt felt some peace in his last moments?" she asked.

Matt was found dead - drowned - in a lake that night. The irony of it all.

"I don't feel sorry for him at all," I said, truthfully.

"Can you feel sorry for the nine-year-old Matt who drowned?"

"Just because some idiots threw him into a pool when he couldn't swim doesn't mean he has the right to kill people and shoot Adeline. He should've realized that there are loads of ways he could've gotten help. Besides, that's not the only crazy thing he had done. My dad said that they found a bunch of pictures of Allison on his computer. And not just of her though. I mean, he photoshopped himself into these pictures. Stuff like them holding hands and kissing. You know, like he had built this whole fake relationship," I explained. "He's a total idiot who didn't respect one of my best friend's privacy and he killed loads of people. I get that him drowning was traumatic for him but he had a chance to turn his life around."

"One positive thing came out of this, though. Right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, but I still feel like there's something wrong between us. I don't know. It's just like tension when we talk. Same thing with Scott."

"Have you talked to him since that night?"

"No, not really. I mean, Scott's got own problems to deal with though," I told her. "I don't think he's talked to Allison, either. But that might be more her choice, you know. Her mom dying hit her pretty hard. But I guess it brought her and her dad closer. That's the same thing that happened to me. And Jackson? Jackson hasn't really been himself lately. Rae is acting the way she usually does. She's in denial. She doesn't want to believe what happened actually happened, but I can tell she's hurting. Addie is currently at the hospital because she got shot. I'm really worried for her. She didn't deserve what happened to her. I mean, she's only a kid. Stiles is the only person I'm really talking to. He's been getting a lot of panic attacks lately and I'm trying to be there for him. Actually the funny thing is, as of right now, Lydia is the one who seems the most normal."

"What about you, Sammy?" she asked. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine," I shrugged. "I'm sorry this can't be more entertaining for you. There are people here with real problems."

"People just like you?" she said.

"Yeah," I stared off into space. "Just like me."

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm kinda tired." My eyes were full of tears.

"Of what?" she asked.

"Living in a permanent state of anxiety. These past few months have been incredibly hard on me. They made me realize how lost I am. I just don't how I can be so sad when I'm so young!" I wiped my tears away.