Forever Ours......

47.

Monday, May 29, 2017

Bryce Taylor,

Today is my first ultrasound screen and I'm nervous. I'm officially 11 weeks and 2 days.

"You good?" Simba asked me as we finished putting our clothes on.

Mom came and got Mekonnen around
8:30 this morning and well sadly Mayah is in the hospital again. Mama is at the hospital with her until we get out the doctors and then we will go up there and she will go to work.

"Yeah just a little tired." I said being a hundred percent honest.

I'm tired of a lot to be honest.

"Yeah I know baby. I never thought I would be so ready to see Mayah go. Watching her just struggling to live is really starting to fuck with my mental."

"Yeah I know it's like she went downhill so fast. It's like one moment she was laughing and crawling then next thing you know she couldn't even move her arms." I said shaking my head.

"Shit crazy. I was expecting it to be bad but now this bad." He said as we walked out the room.

The drive to the doctors was quiet, a good quiet thought.

"Xay!" I shouted causing him to look at me like I was crazy.

"Fuck wrong with you? You forgot something?" He asked stopping at the red light.

"No, I think I either got gas or I felt the baby move."

"It better be the damn baby since you have me a heart attack. If it's gas that's yo ass."

"I think it was the baby. They say you suppose to feel the baby move at 11 weeks. I didn't feel it with Obeca but I'm sure that was the baby." I said still very unsure.

"You a trip." He said as the light turned green.

My appointment went well and I was right, the baby was moving. They nurse was like from the looks of it our baby hit the marks of a boy.

"You want one or two fries?" Simba asked looking at me.

"One large fry." I said looking at the McDonald's menu.

We decided to get something to eat before heading to the hospital.

"Oh and a caramel ice cream with extra caramel." I said leaning back in my seat.

Once I got my food, I took the top off my ice cream and started dipping my fries in it. I made sure to get caramel on my fry before eating it.

"You so damn nasty and don't try and blame it on my baby."

"It's so good." I said trying to feed him.

"Move." He said laughing while pushing my hand away with his free hand.

By the time we made it to the children's hospital I was all out of fries so I took Simba's.

"I said get two." He said while we walked to Mayah room.

"I didn't think I was this hungry."

"You just greedy."

"I know. It's sad." I said as we opened the door.

"Hey sweeties." Mama said as we walked all the way in the room.

It's like as soon as I walked in the room all my happiness left my body.

"Hey." I said giving her a hug.

"Hey mama." Simba said hugging her as well.

I sat everything down and walked over to Mayah. She has tubes coming from every where and she just laying here. Looking lifeless but I know she's technically not because her heart monitor is still beeping.

"She doing better now. She was having a ruff morning." Mama said placing one hand on my shoulder.

I nodded my head and just grabbed her little hand. I hate seeing her like this but I just can't leave her to go through this alone. I can't leave her to die along like I left Olivia.

I sat down beside her bed and just held her little hand while she laid there. Every so often I felt her little fingers moved which just gave me butterflies in my stomach.

We stayed there until we just had to leave. Even though we didn't want to leave Mayah we had to because Mekonnen can't be up here.

"Dream said if you pump a couple more bottles she'll keep Konnen this weekend so we can spend the weekend with Mayah." Simba said pulling into the driveway.

"I thought I could do this Simba but I can't watch her suffer like this." I said looking at me. "It's not right for her to be going through something like this. She's a baby."

"I know Bry." He said hugging me. "I know baby."

When I felt Simba tears hit my shoulder I just contain myself any more. The tears just started flowing.

We just stayed there. Hugging and crying. Not even think about getting ourselves together at this point because this is deeper then just a disease killing Mayah. This is on a different type of deep. Being here for Mayah in her final days is us trying to make up for not being there for our best friend.

We basically putting ourselves through this because we both taking the blame for Daniel and Olivia death. Simba feel like he should have tried to get Daniel the help he need and I feel like should have helped her get the help she needed. Had we been better best friends they would still be her. Had we done what best friends are suppose to do then Mayah would be with her parents in their arms right now. Had we just been there things would be so different right now. Had we not been selfish and all about us Olivia and Daniel would be alive.

Had we just picked up on the signs. Had we just seen Daniel cry for help. Had I been there for Olivia like I was suppose to be, maybe just maybe she would have came and asked up to help her get Daniel the help he needed. Had I been about our friendships like I was suppose to be. She would still be here and so would Daniel.