Forever Ours......

49.

Saturday, June 24, 2018

Bryce Taylor,

Soumayah turned one last Wednesday, took her last breath last Saturday, and was buried this Wednesday that just passed. These last seven days have been one emotional roller coaster. I've been trying to stay strong and so has Simba but it's just been so hard. We couldn't even plan her funeral and to actually look at her body was even harder.

The casket was so small, it's not natural at all but her suffering is finally over. She finally at peace and back with her parents. She is buried in between Olivia and Daniel.

I believe what's make this so much harder is the fact that we do actually have time to grieve. We have Mekonnen to take care of and I still have all my very important doctor appointments coming up. I mean this is the stage of my pregnancy where I get all my test done, so having time to just grieve hasn't happened. Even today where Simba is off and Konnen is with hi grandparents we still couldn't grieve. I had my triple screening today.

Then the doctor said depending on my triple screening I may been an Amniocentesis. But the crazier part is my doctor said that Tay-Sachs also can run in Irish people. So now Simba has to get checked to see if he is a carrier of Tay-Sachs.

"You okay?" I asked Simba sittingnon his lap.

"Last time you sat on my lap like this your water broke." He said shaking his head.

"What's wrong?"

"The same disease that just took a baby could also be running through me. If I carry this then there is a chance one of our kids can be born with it."

"Well you might not be a carrier. You mom isn't Irish but your dad is. So the chances of you carrying the disease is low."

"The chances of Mayah having it was low."

"Let's think positive."

"It's hard when we just paid money to bury a one year old who died from the same thing I just had to get tested for. If I'm a carrier then Konnen have to get tested and if he..." He said talking and just let out a sigh. "I can't do something like this again and it will be my fault." He said shaking his head.

"Simba." I said hugging him.

Seeing him cry is something I can never get with.

"Stop crying. I bet you that test gone come back and you not even a carrier. Plus even if you are the chances of our kids having it is pass low because I'm not a carrier and I don't have the bloodline to carry Tay-Sachs." I said before kissing all over his face. "We have a Mekonnen free day, let's do something we can't do with him here." I said getting off his lap.

"I'm grab the snacks." He said walking into the kitchen.

I made our little pallet in front of the sliding doors and sat the laptop up.

"I don't think I've ever been so happy to see Netflix and no kiddie movies popping up. I love The Lion King but Obeca is worse then me. He literally have to watch it roughly ten times a day or he cry like I'm trying to kill him."

"You started this."

"I know but I think he likes it so much because it's very colorful."

"Yeah and every time he hear Simba he smile because he thinks they talking about me since all you wanna call me is Simba."

"Don't complain now Sir."

"Don't worry I complain to my momma every time we talk. She told me to get mad at Disney." He said sitting beside me.