timelines | j.jk × k.th

MT chapter: 21

Medieval Timeline: Jungkook's POV

I ran up the stairs crying, which of late stopped becoming a surprise.

It hurt me so much to see him crying. I wish I could tell him how much I love him, how much I hate to see his crestfallen face every time I ignore him.

How much I wish we could be together as something more than just lovers.

I really missed his warm embrace but I held back knowing that I need him to stop. But when he hugged me, the feeling of sadness that he put into it pulled at my heartstrings.

I didn't know if I could go on with this anymore.

My stomach turned into a knot just thinking of how I left him there to cry and think about why I must be ignoring him, if I hate him.

I slumped down, trying to control the tears for the hundredth time.

Why are you such a burden to everyone Jungkook?

Why do you cause so much pain?

Especially to the ones you love?

I sat there feeling my eyes get heavy as I wallowed myself in a pit of shame and self hatred.

***

It was only three days until we could go back home.

I started to eat less and Jin hyung noticed that. He would bring food up to my room and he would try to comfort me. We talked and I would put up the same fake smile I would do every time Jin hyung entered with a platter of food with which I would only eat a fourth of.

However, it seemed like I couldn't fake being happy anymore. As soon as he left, I would return to the same lethargic state I had spent the day with. But, seeming happy in front of Taehyung was the only thing that kept him from knowing what was going on.

I would lie in bed all day not uttering a word to anyone. Looking at the walls and ceiling listlessly seemed more easier than confronting or looking at Taehyung.

I started to sleep in Jin hyung's room. I thought it would be easier to get rid of the guilt of ignoring him but I just felt worse.

I couldn't sleep properly and my mind would wander to Taehyung or the future. If I did sleep, my dreams would be gruesome and disturbing. Sometimes not even having context to reality or the situation.

I lay on the bed tired and sleepy but fear and anxiety gripped me awake. The pit in my stomach grew larger. My eyes had dark circles underneath them and I continued to grow thin. My skin was pale and my lips chapped.

Yoongi's deep voice pierced through the air, breaking the torturing silence.

"We need to start loading the goods on the ship. I think it's best if you come with us. You look a lot worse these days."

I simply hummed in response.

I could still see Yoongi hyung from the corner of my eye, just looking at me worried and then sighing as he turned away.

After an hour, I pulled myself away from the bed groaning and seeing dark spots as I got up after a long time.

I walked down the stairs and sat down on the couch glumly.