Jay Rose

Chapter 39: saying goodbye

Because fuck overthinking for making the person be that way. Scenarios all day long with really bad endings. Was he really out doing something? Or he just didn't want to end the call with Nat.

*good morning beautiful-louis.*

I tried my best not to answer his text because I feel like I am always there when he wants to me too, sadly the moment like my sisters surgery and me going through hards, I didn't find him anywhere. They say the best relationships are the ones who are based on them being bestfriends, but they didn't say anything about having to deal with other bestfriends.

*guys tomorrow is nat's birthday we can finish school and then go to a restaurant or something.-Alexis*

*okay I'm down-Kylie*

I wasn't even bothered to respond on the group, but I know that I will have to go in the end. It's Nat after all.

Nat and I are the kind of bestfriends who never keep anything from each other, like never. Even if someone promised us to never say anything to anyone, telling each other doesn't count. I automatically assume that if she has feelings for Louis she'll tell me right away, right?

*lou, talk to me you are not answering all day long-louis.*

I really need to stop overthinking every little thing that happens to me. Things will going to be alright I kept on telling myself. I was about to text Louis and drop everything but I spoke too soon as he already calling me on the phone.

"Hey Louis, I was about to text...."

"Really lana, Where the hell have you been?" Someone isn't in his good mood.

"I just wasn't feeling right so I wanted some time alone."

I thought he was going to be all cute and loving and ask me about why was I not feeling good, but his answer was something else.

"So you cut me off? You know I wasn't also feeling good and I kept on texting you but you didn't respond, like you really don't care about anyone." What?

"How am I not caring about anyone? I was just not feeling good so I wanted to have time alone by myself without my fucking phone."

"You could've just said that."

"Why louis? Why? I don't have to tell you everything that is happening in my life. Something I don't want to talk about it, you just don't have to know anything about me!" I didn't know my voice was that high.

"Yeah but of course you told Caleb, he knows everything the new bestfriend."

"Louis don't get into this. Caleb doesn't know anything and I didn't respond to anyone's texts today, just drop it."

"Why are you not feeling alright?" Really? Very late.

"Nothing."

"Just fucking tell me lana."

"I won't tell you, you know I was about to text you and drop whatever the hell i was feeling but you really just had to start a fight out of nowhere. God Louis, leave me alone."

"Okay, bye." And the line went dead afterwards.

I felt empty, very. It's like I am an old book, read it once but still read it when there is nothing to do. I refuse to say old on the shelf waiting for him to pay me a visit every once in a while because he wants that. He ignores the fact that maybe I want to have sometime alone without anyone, why does he have to know everything that is going on with me?

The next day I went to school and put a big smile on my face for Nat's birthday.

"Happy birthday bestfriend!" I screamed as soon as I saw her.

"Thank you girl, love you." She said back.

We were all gathering around chitchatting and all.

"Louis what are you doing today?" Kylie asked.

Louis didn't respond as he was day dreaming really hard into something, but it was someone. Nat.

"Louis, Kylie is talking to you." Alexis said.

"Oh sorry, what were you saying again?"

"I'm going to get something." I said and immediately went as quickly as possible so that they won't ask me anything.

I really wanted to be alone that time, just me thinking about everything and settling my life in the right way without anything affecting me, I want that kind of quietness.

"What are you doing all alone?" Caleb said from behind.

"Thinking?" I said.

"Mind if I asked you about what?" The thing is about Caleb is that he never forces me to say anything, I just kind of spilt anything bothering me when he's around.

"Everything and nothing in the same time. It's just I'm tired of thinking about the things that could happen and not. I always have this voice inside my head telling me that things are not alright. I don't know what to believe anymore."

"You should believe that you will be happy, it's just that no matter how many times you overthink and keep on repeating the moments that had happened with you, it will get you to nothing. Whatever happened lana, will not change no matter how many times you cried or dreamed or wished that things could be different it won't. Just don't waste your time thinking about things that has passed. Look at your future and let things be what it is."

"I guess so." I whispered.

We sat there in silence looking just at the green view that we have in school. The silence was very comfortable, and quietness made me think about the things that Caleb said. Let it go.

"I'll go get some water, I'm so thirsty." Caleb excused himself and went away to get water and I still kept in my place.

"Yeah I figured you will be here with Caleb and no one else." Of course it had to be louis.

I didn't respond to him as I was really not bothered to enter a fight I know he will make time the bad guy in the end.

"Wow really? Sitting with Caleb all this time will make you not want to talk to me?" He really needs to shit it up.

"It's 2:30, we have to go with Nat." I stood up and went to the gate to get away from school.

"Wait, we are all going together. Let's go wait for them at the gates." He said softly making me wonder  if he's a bipolar or not.

We stood there in silence him looking at me, I on the other hand looking away from his eyes that I always fell for.

As soon as we was going to talk, Nat and the others came telling us that we are all ready to go. Talk about good timings.

We were all sitting inside the car and trust me it was a miracle that the car had us all and it didn't broke.

"Where are we going?" Anna asked.

"To Jay's." Louis responded.

The car was silent as if there was no one in it. I asked my self one more question. How lucky I am to have something, that makes saying goodbye so hard.