Jay Rose

Chapter 46: long love

Between the arguments going on with Zac and Caleb, I was so involved in them that I forget the main problem, Louis.

I avoided his texts on so many levels and his snaps, but the only snap that did caught my attention was the one where he was at the lake and wrote "I want you". Such a cliché but deep down I was happy that when he thought about me, he went to our place.

Despite me saying that whatever the hell I'll do with one of them, I'll do with the other. I can't though, Nathalie is my best friend and if I did any action towards her I know I will turn out to be the girl that left her bestfriend for a boy, but with Louis it's different. My trust is now burnt down and whatever happy moment we had, is now a memory, a good one though.

To be honest I'm still now over it. The picture of them behind my back will always haunt me alive and I never will be okay with it. Talking about it will make it bad not worse as no one will really understand.

Alexis and Kylie kept on telling me that they are really sorry for not telling me earlier, but they were really sorry that they thought I would link to what happened with Adam  earlier.

I really did link things with Adam and Louis together. There's always a problem that happens the moment I fall in love with a person, and it's always a third person in the party, Nathalie. The first incident wasn't really her blame to take but she's always part of it and that drives me crazy though.

"What do you want Louis?"

"You're okay with Nathalie, why are you not okay with me?" He said.

It's a question that made me really think of the answer. I don't know why, maybe because I don't want to be okay with Nat but I have to. I can't be like that with Louis too. It's like I'm screaming really hard but no one can hear me at all.

Louis is a guy in the end, it's okay if I lost him and no one will say anything, but what if I don't want you? What if I really want him there but overthinking is killing me alive? From the inside, I really forgave Louis but it's not about forgiveness, it's about me. I couldn't live in a relationship and I know that my mind will always go back to that day.

"Because I am not okay with both of you." "Louis what you both did, I'm not okay with it on so many levels. I am okay that it's in the past but l'll always think about it everyday and night. It's not that easy for me."

"I know lou, I'm sorry I don't know what else I "can say honestly. I may have said that but I'll say it again, lana I don't love her that way you know that."

"Honestly though I don't know anything, so drop it."

"Don't tell me to drop it because I won't! My intentions is not the same I swear to. You got to believe me please."

"Because it's not that simple! Louis I've always known that there's is something, seeing you on the stairs, both of you entering together everywhere it wasn't right for me. I tried to wash those thoughts away but I couldn't. I really tried and hearing after all of this that my thoughts were true, did affect me so much."

"Do you remember the present that I told you about?"

"Yeah. Roses." I whispered.

"It died on the same day."

"Guess I am not the only person who was hurt this day." I said.

"I'm so sorry Lana."

"What's done is done louis, we could never change it."

Funny how our conversation turned from shouting to whispering in seconds. It's a really a roller coaster for me. I just want it to end.

"Do you want to go to the lake?" He asked.