Jay Rose

Chapter 58: love him anyways

Taking medicines, and arguing whether I should or shouldn't go to the hospital It was kind of getting worse. Not focusing closely on things and suffering to remember events that occurred. 

"Are you okay?" Tyler asked.

"I-im good cousin." I smiled.

"Lana your phone has not stopped ringing, but I think you should rest a bit." Uncle Jim said while placing my phone beside me.

It looked like my phone screen has been cracked as the result of me falling down the stairs.

I checked my phone and saw many messages from Nathalie , Kylie, Alexis and hundreds from Louis that drew a small smile on my face.

I replied to all of them stating that I am fine and everything and not to worry.

*Lana.*-louis

*yes.*-lana

*are you okay?*-louis

I really did miss this, him worrying about if I am alright or not. The moment where you just forget about every second you got hurt, and continue naturally like nothing happened. I miss our late night talks about random things because we just don't want to close the line. When our favorite movie comes on tv and wishing we were with each other to watch it together so we just spend time texting and watching as if we were right next to each other.

*i can't remember what happened.*-lana

*its okay really, it's takes time. You should just rest for a while and everything is going to be okay. I'll always be there for you Lana.*-louis

* I don't want to rest.*-lana

*you should, please do.*-louis

*hey Lana, are we on for tomorrow?*- Liam.

What?

*hey louis, Liam just sent me a message saying that if we're on for tomorrow. What's for tomorrow?*-lana

*lou, you were supposed to go study with him at jays before the lesson starts.*-louis

What again?

*why us alone? Why wouldn't you guys come with us?*-lana

*you both have decided this on your own, it just slipped from him when he was talking to me. I think you shouldn't go alone and just rest.*-louis

of course you do.

*i feel so bad that I can't remember this.*-lana

*lana What is the color of my car?*-louis

Even though I remember driving with him a lot in his car, I still can't figure out a single detail about it.

*i can't tell.*-lana

*you should really get some rest.*-louis

At that moment I didn't know what was worse. To not remember anything and continue that way like nothing happened even though I remember the beginning of the whole problem, or to know the truth and decide again what should I do. After all at some point, I am going to remember everything again.

I will never forget how things changed between us all. How three days ago I was really willing to risk everything I had for a boy I just got feelings for. Everything I wanted is to not give up on him, there's always something inside telling me to just give it time. Time flies by quickly and I am still being left on the road waiting for that specific person to rescue me, yet I knew that he'll never come.

They say it hurts when someone says that they don't want you, I say it hurts even more when they don't even tell you.

I figured that leaving him on read and not answering and giving the cold shoulder won't solve a thing, but he manages every time to close it up without giving me closure.

*lou, I'm so sorry you know how much I really love you.*-Nathalie.

*nat What happened? You were the last one I called.*-lana

*its okay we don't have to talk about this right now. I am so sorry.*-nathalie

*no it's okay really. I don't even know what happened but I am fine with it really.*-lana

* for now please get some rest and everything will be okay, you've got to be ready for Friday.*-Nathalie

*no I actually don't want to sleep at all. And what the hell is going on this Friday?*-lana

*you don't remember?*-Nathalie

*no I don't. Have I forgot another outing again?*-lana

*what outing? Lana I'm talking about our final exam this Friday.*-Nathalie

*oh dear god.*-lana

*you know you should really rest and everything will be fine I promise.*-Nathalie

*yeah maybe I will.*-lana

*okay so see you tomorrow in the lesson.*-Nathalie

*yeah sure.*-lana.

Spending five minutes in bed trying to remember any detail, but failing very miserably.

It felt great at first that knowing both Nathalie and I still got love for each other after everything we've been through. For the fact that I know that everything won't go back as before, no more the good memories building up with the girls, and certainly no more planning on traveling to countries with each other. It's sad though, but maybe it's for the better, after all I wouldn't want to be away from Alexis and Kylie.

As for the boy, I don't know what to think. We're back from where we began. I know that continuing with him will be a mistake, but sometimes doing a mistake makes you happy anyways. He's the one who taught me a lot about love even if he couldn't give it to me.

I admit of being so jealous of seeing them together. Always seeing a spark between them when they are talking. weird eye contacts that always comes with a smirk from him, and a small smile from her. Them being alone a lot. A whole new level of just friends.

And yes I am the jealous type because in my defense we started off as "just friends" too.