Jay Rose

Chapter 64: exes love

Five months and I still couldn't find the right solution to fix everything up, in fact I was the one who needs to be fixed up.

The rate of problems began to increase in its highest rate possible. My thoughts began to wonder around what changed him so bad? What is the reason behind all of the that? I couldn't find the right answer, perhaps he won't give me one. Still we got our downs, but we sure got our ups and they're whole a lot better.

"Louis." I said on the phone.

"Yes lou." He answered

"What was the deal between you and Laila?"I asked that question before thinking even twice.

"Why did you bring that up?" He asked.

"Just curious."

"Well there wasn't a deal with her, it's just that...yeah we had that connection with each other but we weren't a match. I realized that long after." He said

"And why's that?" I asked.

"Why what?"

"Why you didn't match? Like you two had that strong bond between each other. Even though she is a year older but you two decided to continue it no matter what people say." Because I had no intention of digging into that topic as I know it is sensitive for Louis, very.

"Because people just see from the outside. They have no idea what it's like from the inside and that was a major problem." He said sadly.

I was about to tell him to stop if he wants to despite my curiosity that it's killing me, but the boy deserves to take a fucking rest. Both of them dating for two years and I know how much Laila means to Louis even though they broke up. I can't stop what they both had for each other, all I had to do is to not let him think about it more. Louis had other options in mind, he continued the talking.

"She used to smoke. It was killing me seeing her smoking her dreams out. Not wanting life anymore. She used to say that I was the one who's letting her stay in life. I was so happy that I am the reason, except that I forgot that her thinking about being gone is an option for her. After she spent all her money, she came back to me wanting money so she can go on
Again."

It broke me, It really did. Laila had a huge effect on Louis that no one could ever disagree with. The problem is that I knew what he felt like, seeing the person you really care about in a problem, and you Stand there having no idea what to do. You feel useless at some point.

"I'm sorry." I said softly.

"Yeah well it ended now." He replied sadly.

I will not disagree with saying that I may be jealous that he still got a piece of her in his heart, but I can't stand in front of that. You cannot cut someone out of your life, you just try to forget about all of your memories with them.

Because you can't un-Love someone you once had feelings for. Same with that you can't be again friends with someone you once loved. Laila and Louis had deep feelings for each other. Lying about their relationship to avoid any arguments with people about her being older and many more hidden reasons that we know nothing about. It was hard for me seeing him that way and not having anything to help him with, but all I could do is just listen.

"There's something you need to know." He said suddenly.

"What?" I replied worriedly.

"I think, still not sure though, that I have cancer. Brain one." And I went silent.

"What are you talking about?" That's all I said.

"I really don't want to talk about it, neither am I going to the doctor."

"Well that's not even an option. Does your mom know about this?" I asked.

"Yes. And she respects that I want nothing to do with it."

For a second I thought that he's not saying the truth. Despite that I don't know his mom very well, I know one thing, no mother will see her child having cancer and will stood still. I thought that maybe he is just saying that out of Boredom, but again no one can joke about this.

"You can't tell anyone about that lana. Anyone."

"Yes sure."

"I mean it lana, no one can know about this." He warned.

The concern about me not telling anyone made me re think if he really had cancer or not. From knowing Louis since ages I can tell that he could lie about that which is something made me so sad.

At a Friday night 12:45 am being done from life. I began to list the reasons in my head about why am I still alive. Lost my only best friends, my relationship is coming to an end with all the damage that's done, constant problems with my parents and plus school and exams pressure. For the first time I wish I was never been alive. I've always been the type of person who likes the change in everything, always been positive and loved life, maybe Nathalie made me this way. Sadly, I think now everything changed. Continuous crying at night till I sleep, waking up and with a sorry face that I had to face another day in my life. I began to recall the people who truly care, I think I found none. At first, I was the type of person who always loved people around, now I always wanted to be by myself. I feel safer that way, no lies, no heartbreaks and certainly no fake people, just me and my imagination wondering around. They say that only those who care about you, can hear you when you're quiet yet here I am screaming my lungs out and having no one beside me.

With all the tears I had, I tried to believe that I can make Louis and I continue through this. Make us like before. I didn't want to lose hope, he was the only one left in my life when everyone was away. But I thought that, if I had to convince someone to stay with me, then they already left. Same with Louis.