Jay Rose

Chapter 62: the turn on

Just as I thought that everything was on the right track, everything did went down.

They say that losing a best friend is like losing air. It's painful and slow and there's nothing you can do about it. You just watch the world disappear. In my story, I lost three.

Haven't seen Nathalie from the last day of school, but in the end being away will make us both happy. What broke me the most is the fact that Alexis and Kylie chose her side and neglected me forever. Even if they thought that What I did with Nathalie was wrong, 14 years of friendship was worth one of them stepping up and talked to me about it instead of acting like they don't know me.

All of that was things I can keep up to. Alexis and Kylie being away was something I expected from the very beginning.

On the other hand,I became so close with char and Hannah. We're now a group of four girls including Anna and sometimes Hailey.
Char and Hannah are actually great and I kept on rethinking why Kylie held so much from Char. The only thing I didn't keep up to was in fact him.

Between Louis and I everything was perfect. Now it kind of just flipped. More problems facing us, me overthinking a lot about everything, him seeing me struggling but rather not helping, and most of all him refusing to comfort me in order for us to get better.

Days all turned into a nightmare for me. He gets angry from the little things and turns it into a big fight, we weren't like that at all. I kept on blaming myself for it though. I tend to overthink a lot as he is not giving me an answer. I got broken once, can't be crushed twice. He's not acknowledging the fact that what I really need is comfort, really need him telling me that what we had is still on because for me I don't want it in any other form. The fact that we stopped seeing each other was a sign that everything between us is slowly disappearing. I began to be so needy so that I can be sure that he's still the person I fell in love with.

I knew that he started to be annoyed by the fact that I overthink a lot, but could you blame me though? I just wanted to know whether he likes Nathalie or not or is he even into me like I am with him? I may be so needy and bipolar in all times but just a simple "I love you" will solve it with me. That's all I wanted.The reassurance. But It all broke down when the blaming began.

"What is up with you." Louis said on the phone.

"Nothing I'm good." I replied back.

"You're not. Tell me." He demanded.

"Im alright."

"Since when you hide things from me? Oh yeah I forgot that I mean nothing to you. Well I am sorry I am not Caleb because you always tell him everything he doesn't even need to ask." He began

"Don't you dare drag Caleb into this. Why are you always so demanding? I just said that I am fine why do you just flip and turn things on other people who got nothing to do with it! Maybe I just don't want to talk about it and so I called you but you know what you make things worse!" I nearly screamed. I want done with this.

"How am I the one who make things worse? You hide things from me and I don't know why. You put him over me."

"All of this because I said that I am alright? I have to be so damn depressed and make up scenarios of things that bothered me in order to tell you about it and not be 'alright'. Louis why are you even doing this?"

"Because you overthink a lot. You really do. I've told you million times not to and you still go on and over fucking think! We fight nearly everyday because you always overthink things over nothing yet we always say that we won't but shit we go on and fight and the cycle never ends and I got tired of this shit."

"Don't you think you should help me with that? We're supposed to be in this together and I can't get my shit right."

"Neither can I Lana. With you overthinking and us fighting how am I supposed to be damn happy? I don't know what else I can do. You began to be so close with Caleb than me, it just hurts seeing you being away."

"I am sorry." I whispered as my tears began to fall. "I just want us to be happy. I know we fight a lot but trust me, me overthinking makes me want to die today before tomorrow. It kills me to overthink Louis." I cried.

"There is nothing to overthink about Lana. Trust me."

"I love you." I said.

"I love you too." He replied.

But the fights never ends. It got worse. My 11:11 wish turned to be my death wish. My mornings started with Louis and I picking on a fight that never ends and that's the cycle.

"I just got tired of it Anna." I cried on the phone. "There's nothing left that I could do! I can't even ask him if he's still friends with Nathalie or not."

"Why not?" She asked.

"Because he always says that I am the one who starts the fight. I promised him that I won't overthink, me going and asking him that will seem that I still think about it again. I just want the truth. I began to ask myself everyday if he still loves me or not. It hurts for me to even think that he stopped."

"What are you even talking about Lana? Of course he still loves you. It's just a path and every couple goes through it. You two went through a lot. Just give it time and trust me you'll do just fine. And at least he does somethings right like the boy couldn't be that damn bad."

"Sometimes he'll start a conversation with me and he'll make me feel special and loved, because he chose me out of all the others, but then in just a blink of an eye he changes and I feel as if I am annoying him and he just want to shake me off. And after a while he starts all over again and we just keep going in circles."

"Do you want me to talk to him?" She asked worriedly.

"No it's fine. He'll flip if he knew that I talked to someone about. He doesn't want anyone even Caleb to know about us."

"Caleb doesn't know about you guys? Damn he wants it really low." She said.

"Yeah he does."

"Lou, everything will be good. Just be patient."

"I hope so." I said.

Sitting on the window seat debating what more should I do in order for this to continue till the last end. I cried because well, I am now empty because I gave him all I have from the beginning to make him fall for me.