Jay Rose

Chapter 68:destroyers, liars and heartbreakers

Because sometimes people don't know the difference between loving someone and wanting them. Sadly, people tend to see both of them as the same thing. It doesn't mean if you love someone you want them in your life, sometimes it's better to let them go for your own good even if you got strong feelings for them. It's hard, so crushing. After months or maybe weeks of spending time with them, you realize that you got your happiness depending on them. It destroys you seeing them letting go each day, while you get hurt every second. Once you realize how harmful your love is, it's hard to let it all go even if for your sake. People refuse to acknowledge the fact that feelings aren't the only thing that must be present in a relationship, trust and safety are what will keep it through aside from their true love. Once one of them goes down, your heart goes too.

Moments like these where all you got is yourself. No best friend, no a shoulder to lean on, no anything. Because I came to a conclusion that I will always stay close to myself, and much rather so far away from any human being. Destroyers, liars and heartbreakers and obviously fakers. that's all I saw in them. And what is wrong with being your own bestfriend? People find it lonely and suffocating but it's much rather than staying with people you question their honesty every second. Today, tomorrow and just every other day I promise myself not to fully trust anyone in my life.

It gets to a point when you realize that your life isn't valuable for you, that's where you lose....or the complete opposite. You lost everything friends, boy friends, and problems everywhere that you began to think why am I even living? I always question myself that everyday, only left unanswered. The thought of leaving every thing behind and just leave is an option and a risk I am willing to take everyday, and I promise to never break that promise. Moving anywhere and not to tell a person is a mission and a promise I made with myself in order to bring out what a happy life is. Ending up with Louis or anyone else, will never bring me the joy that moving somewhere apart from them will bring me. Here comes another question, am I going to make it till the day I finally leave?

People say that those who kill themselves are just so weak. I say try to survive a one night in theirs and you will do worse. It's truly the opposite, they were so full of sadness and falling tears and crazy nightmares of peoples actions, and instantly their minds switch to thinking how invaluable they are, that even their life is not worth it. They feel guests in their own homes, that from the amount of sadness they got, they just lock themselves in a room in order not to interact with any kind of breaking things. They usually held a whole amount of hurt that they got really fed up with. It took them a lot of strength to do that when suddenly their strength turns into a whole power against them to destroy themselves. People realize their mistakes long after the life is gone. They see them as monsters. People
Wait for them to apologize for the monsters they become but why should they? No one ever apologized for making them that way.

With everyone pressuring to do better and how the future is waiting and how a piece of paper determines if you're intelligent or not, it just doesn't stop making non sense. Parents who put grades over mental health are raising a whole generation full of idiots and constant anxieties. Because they don't realize that a student is facing more than just grades and lessons to learn. Some may be facing bullies, others facing lake of loneliness and the majority facing heartbreaks that parents tend to not care about any factor of these, It results with losing another live and they just never stop ending.

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I really thought that seeing Louis in school will maybe get us closer like before, but I just didn't get in mind if he wants the same or not. Him leaving while I was dying to see him really explains our priorities in each other's lives. I didn't take the news by a surprise, despite me always thinking about ways to make us better, I never saw the same reaction for him.

"He went out for breakfast, with them."I told Anna.

"Ohh." She said with her head down. I was afraid that she will continue talking into this, but gladly she didn't. I wasn't bothered.

After an hour with still no replies from Louis, I began to let it go and not to constantly think about. We were currently sitting Melissa and letty and their group of girls talking about random things.

"Where were you?" Letty asked Jenny as soon as she entered the class.

"In the hall with Louis talking for a bit." She said casually.

I didn't know he came back to school because from what I noticed none of the other group came back, so why would he.

I immediately made up any reason to excuse myself and go outside but whom am I kidding to? They probably noticed.

I spotted him from across the hallway talking to Anna and all i felt was that I finally saw him after many months and my smile grew bigger. We fight, say harsh words, even the unforgivable ones, but we care or I think I do. We pull each other's nerves out, and next we could be all loving. And that's all I love about us, no matter how much our fights are harsh, I will never position someone taking his place in my life.

"You came back." I told him.

"For you." He whispered and I began to get lost in his eyes and it only sent goosebumps to me.

Before I met him, I never knew what it was like to look at someone and smile for no reason.