Jay Rose

Chapter 71: long gone

It's so heartbreaking when you relate your breakup situation with every song you listen to. You just don't know the correct words to tell and express your feelings, so you go on and find a song to relate to. It's so hard to keep on talking about it because you just don't want comfort anymore, you just want that specific person in your life again when you know that he's long gone. People find moving on is very easy, but try stop thinking about a person you used to build a future with only to know that at the same time you were building up, you were already in their past. It breaks you from the inside when you realize that he didn't grew out of love, it was just another girl who was better than you. It haunts you every time you see them on their phone and you ask yourself are they even talking? Maybe flirting? Or are they already been dating behind your back?

You pushed her away when she didn't want to be away from you, that's what breaks every girls heart.

At these moments, I knew that Louis did grew out of love. I didn't want to accept that because I will never grew out of it, I just didn't know how to. When you've been knowing a person for fourteen years, they know exactly what to tell you in every moment you want to hear it and at some point you feel that they stopped caring anymore, not caring to respond nor caring about anything related to you. It bothers me seeing him losing interest without a reason. I just want closure but he is giving me none. And it just makes me sad that I don't cross your mind anymore when you're the reason I lost mine. And maybe it's getting toxic every time you feel this way, but you just got that little hope that maybe just maybe he will love me like I do.

I lost track in my life for not knowing what to do next. I always got everything planned for me, but this time Louis gets credits for messing everything up. I didn't know what I needed but I sure did want someone next to me at that moment, and so I grabbed my phone and sent a text I never thought I will ever send it to that specific person.

*got a lesson and I'll finish at 6pm. Be ready for a sleepover!*-lana

*yeah girl, got it. Everything alright?*-char

*not really, will tell you everything when we get back.*-lana

Char and I were close at some point in the past. We used to live at the same street and always at each other houses having sleepovers until I moved next to Anna and from then we lost our bond. Nathalie, Alexis, Kylie and I began to have that group of us and char and I kind of drifted the next year. In the past, I loved talking to char because the way she had a point of view different from the other girls in our group. Char until now doesn't know anything about Louis and I, so I had to start from the very beginning, and nor does Hannah knows but I'm sure they kinda get the whole picture.

I knew if I told Louis about char sleeping over he would flip the fuck out as he would be hella scared to me saying a word to her, so I decided not to tell Louis about it.

Thank god this lesson I didn't have anyone I know from school except for Amelia and she's one year older than me. We began to be so close and I loved having her around, she's the new vibes in my life right now.

*did you finish your lesson?*-Caleb

*yeah, on my way to take char and go home.*-lana

*girls night in?*-Caleb

*with hell a lot of drama.*-lana

*you'll tell char about it?*-Caleb

*i don't know honestly, I really wanted someone to talk to. I wished that person was Louis but I can't do that really. I didn't tell him that char will sleepover so don't tell him.*-lana

*why though?*-Caleb

*he will get extremely angry trust me. He threw a big fight when I told you. I know he would do the same with char.*-lana

*are you both okay?*-Caleb

*not really, long hard road it just doesn't want to end. Things changed, he changed and everything I do just drives him crazy and I keep on overthinking and sometimes I change my attitude when I remember things from the past, but if he did really be honest with me, things wouldn't turn out this way.*-lana

*trust me if I knew something I would tell you in a second.*-Caleb

*yeah I know that. Thanks Caleb.*-lana

*anytime.*-Caleb

Talking to Caleb these days was my escape from real life with everything happening around. A great shoulder to lean on, and a person I would guarantee on having him by my side through life. Charming in his own way and very much you feel the warmth coming from him. For some reason I know that Aiden cares a lot about me but we are a family after all, Caleb and I aren't and so him sticking by me without a reason just makes me feel so safe. Days like these where I just feel so terrible for always talking about Louis to him, it was so selfish of me but he didn't complain. He just finds so many ways to make me forget and just be happy for no reason.

10 minutes later I was standing right in front of char's place waiting for her to get out and go. I didn't know if it was a good idea or not to tell char about everything, but I really needed her.

"Hey girl." She squeaked the moment she went in.

"Hey char." I smiled.

"You good right? I got a feeling it's going to be something big." She said.

"You're right. It is." I replied.

The whole ride back was just in comfortable silence. I knew that char would've so many comments about Louis, but we all fall in love with peoples flaws, the perfect person would just be impossible to love.

And after all the hurt he caused, I couldn't stop loving him.