Jay Rose

Chapter 41: let you down

Let me just say that suspense is some kind of shit. I spent my whole night going through things that may have happened, but I always end up with being frustrated. I just want to know what the hell happened.

Nat and I decided to come early as we only had one class today so we can have an extra time to talk. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone nor see anyone but I know sooner or later I'll see all of them when they came to class, but I wanted to have sometime alone to think so I decided to go alone to the class without Anna or anyone with me.

The uber ride was pretty much relaxing, me thinking about the possible things and not go extreme, but who am I kidding if it wasn't an extreme she would've just told me on the phone. I hope everything goes right.

As for Louis and I, we didn't talk much and I didn't tell him about anything that Nat has told me as if decided to see first what is going on. Truthfully, I knew that it has something to do with Louis so I thought that if I told him he may tell Nat not to tell me anything and that is the last thing I wanted. Sadly, it's something expected for Louis to do.

I'm sorry that I let you down, let you down.

Really NF as much as I love you and your songs this is not what I need right now.

All these voices in my head get loud, I wish that I can shut them down I'm sorry that I let you down. Let you down.

Please don't let me down.

I entered the class and I waited for Nat to arrive so I can solve the fucking mystery. I really needed to calm down because being like that, I can really blew shit infront of Nat and I kinda don't want that to happen. I want to remain calm and relax through it all. At the same time I don't want to be calm, I spent months thinking about what the hell is wrong and I kept overthinking about it till I literally fucked my mind up, and now I'm getting closure. I'm finally not going to overthink as I will know everything. But is that going to make me feel better? Or worse?

"What is a lady like you doing all alone here?" Liam interrupted my thoughts by his arrival, with Louis.

"Waiting for class maybe?" I replied.

"Yeah sure, I'm going to get water." And Louis and I were left. Alone. God no.

"Hey baby."

"Hey." I whispered back. He leaned in and planted a small but soft kiss on my cheek that made me smile.

"Are you okay?" He asked. No I'm not, I'm afraid that I will no know something I don't want to know, but I have to know because I spent a lot of shit time thinking about it and it drove me crazy in the end. I want to continue loving you I peace and I'm not finding that peace anywhere.

"Yeah I am." I lied.

His eyes kept glueing into mine as if he knew that something is not okay, but thank god he refused to ask anything further.

Just to my luck Louis was about to ask something, but he was immediately interrupted by Liam coming back. Good timing you got here liam.

Let you down.

Seriously NF you still on my mind?

The whole group started to come but still no sign of Nat which drove me crazy even more. The class was about to start and I didn't want to miss it.

"Nat where are you?" I called her to ask.

"I'm coming, Hailey is with me she made me late I swear."

"Okay just come fast."

"Alright."

The whole group was standing chatting with each other about somethings I don't know what as I wasn't focused at all.