Jay Rose

Chapter 44: broken trust, broken shit

It was Nat.

Her voice was cracked as if she was about to cry, as if she really needed help.

"What's wrong?" I asked. I began to come up with some really bad thoughts as I really didn't know what is happening around.

"It's Alexis."

"What's wrong with her?" I began to raise my voice.

"I don't know suddenly she began to shake so much and she is crying really hard and saying some random things about us not together anymore. I'm so scared." As she's crying too.

"What? I, I don't know what to do. Be by her side don't leave her. Let her drink water or something so she can calm down."

"She's not accepting anything, I don't think she can hear me actually."

"Let me talk to her."

"I'll put you on speaker." The fuck should I do right now.

"Hey Alexis it's me Lana. Look you have to calm down now. There's no need to be that way everything will turn out just fine, you have to wait for all of us. We'll get through this shit together, we always do. We stick by each others sides and we'll do good. Now I want you calm the hell down and don't stress about anything."

"We won't lana, not anymore. We won't be that four girls that nothing can break them apart. Even if we got through this, we'll always have that barrier between us, the bond won't be back."

"Why's that?"

"Because it's the fucking truth!" She's really mad I could tell.

"Look Alexis we four don't know shit about what is going to happen in the future. All we know is that we can get through this hell with one another or we could just call it our destination and say our goodbyes, there's no other choice. I get where this is coming from but trust me panicking about what will happen won't make the situation any better. We are all trying to get through this because apparently it did affect all of us and not Nat and I. Either we stay strong or we stay at home."

Her sobbing was all I could here now, but I could sense that Nat is crying too. We were all silent thinking about if we could really get through this as a one team or not. The hold sound suddenly broke my thoughts as I looked at the screen and saw Louis's name.

"Wait a sec." I put the girls on hold and answered Louis to see if there is another problem we got or not.

"Lana." He said. Gosh am so tired of this day.

"Hmm." I answered.

"Are you okay?"

"I am."

"It doesn't sound like it."

"Why do you even care?"

"Because I do."

" gosh Louis what to you want now?"

"You."

"You already had me. But you choose another."

"No lou, I didn't chose anyone over you. All I wanted was you and only you. Nat and I are just friends I swear."

"If you were really friends why both of you chose not to tell me? Friends don't do that Louis."

"I know, I know that we are wrong but I swear it's not like that lana. It's because of luke and.."

"Damn it louis! I don't want to hear it! Don't blame Luke about all of this. No matter what the fuck he's done, you went and did Shit behind my back so it's not Luke's fault, it's yours!"

"I'm not blaming Luke, I'm just telling why I've done it."

"That's not a fucking excuse! You went and convinced her that she also can do shit with you! You kept on telling her that!"

"What? No Lana!"

"Then tell me what is right?"

"I didn't keep on telling her to do this with me, we were just joking about it, that's all." Is he really serious?

"Louis are you mad?"

"Lana I know I fucked up, real bad. Please give me a chance. That's all I want."

"But How should I trust you louis?" Thats when I lost it and began to cry again. "You were literally my all. You kept on telling me that Adam didn't really love me and all he wanted was to play and you convinced me that you did!"

"And I still do."

"No! If you really love me you wouldn't do such thing! It really did break me louis, you have no idea."

"I'm so sorry Lana, I really never intended to hurt you."

"And I never intended to love you but here we are."

"Do you regret loving me?"

"That's the problem, I don't."

"Then give me a chance lana, I promise to make it better."

"I gave you a lot by trying to convince myself that there is nothing to worry about. Even if I gave a shot, by trust is very broken by now Louis. I don't know if I'll be able to believe anything you say from now."

"I understand. I'm sorry that I made you feel this way. You have to know that I love you so much." I didn't answer him as I was really crying hard by now, but that didn't stop him from continuing.

"I know I can't have you for now so I'll go to the lake to pray that I can have you later." The lake.

Of how much I miss this place and our memories together there. It was where I really knew how much I love louis and how much I truly care about him. I didn't want to go there because I am afraid that one day I will hate this place because of him, it'll hurt to hate the only good memory left.

"I hope you can go with me one day." He offered.

"When the right time comes. Bye for now." I said and hung up.

"Lana are you there?" Shit I forgot that I put the girls on hold.

"Hey, how are you now?" I asked Alexis.

"I'm good don't worry, Kylie is in the call also."

"I'm here." Kylie said.

"Hey Kylies."

"Hello lou."

"Girls, I really want to get over it really. I know that all of you are hurt but I don't want to lose any of you. I don't want to stand and choose between you girls. You're all I have."

"Don't worry you won't ever choose." I said softly.

"We Love you Alexis, we care a lot about you." Kylie answered.

"You're stuck with our lame asses Alexis. The whole thing got bigger than it deserved it shouldn't turn out like that." Nat replied.

It did make me sad seeing Nathalie talking about how the whole situation didn't deserve to be that big and all, in the end it did hurt me a lot.

Few minutes later we all closed our phones and went back to complete our day. I'll be lying if I said that I'm totally over what happened because I'm not. There's something broken between the three of us and if they can ignore and act like nothing happened, I can't. The fear that I may be not up for a competition to protect the person I love always frighten me, especially when that person is my very own bestfriend.

I was sitting alone by the window trying to reminisce every detail of this transformation year. How was the only person I wanted was Adam and the one who was helping me to get him was Louis. How the table turned. How I thought that Adam was my true love, but in reality he was just a crush that only lasted for couple of months. How my love for Louis turned from a bestfriend to a bestfriend lover. How I fell in love and everything went to hell because basically when trust is broken, sorry means nothing.