Survival (A Naruto Fanfic) [Completed]

Part 52 ∞∞∞ I'd never have known

I silently sneaked into the files room and ducked behind a row of bookshelves, looking around with my byakugans to see if anyone had followed me.

Apparently not.

I sighed and looked around the files room. It seemed to have been piling dust for quite a while now. Most of the files look like they're a century old and going to fall apart the moment someone picks it up.

That baka Uzumaki boy... I thought with a sour smile and took in a deep breathe. The air was crisp and cold, despite not being directly exposed to the coldness outside and I invited the coldness into my body. My fingertips tingled a little and I crunched them into fists, trying to ignore the feeling rushing around my body, in every nerve, and to every organ. I could almost imagine the blood slurring around inside my body... the blood of someone with such a dirty... ugly... soul...

I shook off the alien emotions flowing through me and told myself they were of no concern... no concern at all...

I quickly made my way through the rows, getting to business and looking for my name. The place seemed to vibrate the stench of memories and I bashed them away. Memories are weak.. they are used and manipulated by others... I told myself, though not very convincingly.

The dull light flickered across my face as they shifted into shadow and brightness. They were blinding. Both the darkness and the light.

Gi-Hy

Hatake... I looked at the dust-covered label on the side of the shelf and let my face drop into a mask of nothingness.

...

No, it was foolish to think of it. It was stupid to even have that thought cross my mind. What had I always promised to myself? What had my actions always lead to? Idiotic... childish... naive... that was all it was.

I want friends...

I let that thought wandered a few more circles in my head until I killed it brutally. There was no need. I had always and will be truly alone. All that besides me are to be used as pieces and all those against me with be reduced to rubble. It really is a simple concept...

I want to know more about them...

All that besides me are to be used as pieces and all those against me with be reduced to rubble. What is even the use of knowing? WHAT?! These disgusting and undefinable emotions and words... if no one can describe them... why do they even exist? Things like love... hate... friendship... loyalty... even happiness... Why were they even named? The words have no meaning, hollow if you don't fill them, but once you've filled them, even if one ml of substance, it won't go away... disgusting, how very disgusting...

Still. I paused a moment before the shelf and hesitated. I had never flipped through Kakashi's files before. The thought simply grew inside my head. Like a parasite, like a fat cell, like those hollow words... It just won't go away...

What is the use of reading it anyway except wasting time???? I need to get on with my life. I need to leave this cursed and damned village. It's getting to my head. I could feel it. Or was it the darkness. I was fine 10 minutes again with that nine tails, wasn't I? Was it magic? Witchery? I don't understand... I don't know...

There's probably even nothing important in them anyway...

"No, he's very young. He died young as well... He was also known as the Yellow Flash, a very strong shinobi." Kakashi said and I nodded, half listening and half playing with grass.

"He was my sensei and also my teammate's. He died 9 years ago... in the Nine-Tails Attack. He saved everyone..." Kakashi finished and I waited for more details about his teammates but it never came. And so I asked for it.