My Thoughts

You thought I was gone

Yet again he returns with his crooked smile in the corner of my room. A unforgiving grin that unleashes rage filled words upon my loved ones. A two faced monster is what I've become. Because of my friend. I've learnt to give him a name. Something threatening yet still familiar.

Jack

The large toothy grin and sharp loud screams he produces always create the mind of a senseless Jack. A insane person that you knew when they were sane and you were close friends. Jack is my anger my lust. Both disgusting and controlling. Not necessarily sexual lust. But my controlling exxageration of what I want. Jack always wins me over. When we were younger I stood a chance. But now I don't.

While I'm say in my bed I see him approaching me from the corner. I check the time and it's not long before he gets shocked. He seems to speed up as he mirrors my action of checking the time. His long quick strides terrify yet calm me. Knowing I will break off what I love that doesn't love me back. I warned them. I warn the foolish ones who are blinded by my sense of humour and confident front. They don't understand how I am when it hits me. When Jack takes control I don't feel like myself. I don't feel shame, i don't feel connected to people. I have no restrictions. It's my sandbox.

And there it goes. The alarm clock screams and I lean back with a joyful smile on my face as Jack crawls back to the corner in a ball of shame. A day without Jack. How would that play out.

I wish I could find out.