My Thoughts

The Attempt

The alarm clock rings, Bliss to my ears as the hell i call my mind clears of the demons and is filled with the heavenly call of morning. I pull my eyelids apart and sit up. I look at my scraggly uniform layed across the floor and get up. Im hesitant to take it but after thinking i decide not to. I shuffle back thinking of school. Do i have to? I dont want to i just cant worry mother any more than she is but i hate it.  The kids, the teachers and the socialising push me to the edge of the roof day after day for years on end.

I cant.

I pull myself under my covers and lay. The demons filling my pillow crawls into my head as i decide to listen. And i never decided again because within minutes my pillow began to become drenched absorbing the salty tears emptying from the pain and sorrow ive been withstanding.  Now im laying, listening in a dark bed filled of sadness.

I hear the door creak open and i listen. I respond. Some kind of blabber to get me out of school. Always worked when i was young and still works today. I dont fall back to sleep. I cant. Sleep is painful not calming. I dont understand how people can take the beating to the brain they get from there problems haunting them as they rest.

Its not right its not right. I cant take the pain i wish i could end it. I start to go blue in the face when i clench my hands around my neck. Time slows down as i think of everything and my hands loosen. I regret that already.