My Thoughts

Shock

My ears ring as the gunshot fills my ears. Everything slows down around me. Everything around me turns into a mix of blood red and black. Guilt dreches me head to toe as I slowly step back. I hear her slam onto the door that she shut seconds before. I sigh. I look at my feet. My head feel a heavy. The guilt is weighing me down. This is what I have to do. For me. For her. For everything. My hands start to shake as they close in creating fists. Tears erupt and my breath turns shaky and quick. It's my fault. It's. My. Fault. I could've spared her. I could've saved her life. But I turned selfish again. I was more focused on my gain. I crumble to my knees and my tears form into a puddle. The trees around me loom and stare at me. They point and shame my actions. My fists break out of their violent form. I wish I could change my actions. I wish I could turn back. My hands run through my hair and clasp onto it. I hold my head down to the ground in shame and tug on my hair. I'm pathetic. Disgusting. This is my fault. My fault! How could I do this!?

I'm worse than him.

I stare down into the puddle of tears below me. I see his reflection not mine. I quickly scramble up to my feet and rip open the car door and throw myself in recklessly. I turn the key. This isn't me. This is him. He's back. I slam my head back again. Again. Again. The same idea won't just leave. It haunts me no matter what I do. I keep throwing my head back and  forth. Back. Forth. Nothing. He's still there holding the gun to my head. The image is freaking me out. I can't take it. It haunts me.

He haunts me.

I rip the glove box open and pull out a pistol. I admire it. The clean unused weapon that I've been keeping for thus day. The beast that I control with my finger. I hold it up to my windscreen imitating taking a shot. My finger is shaky up again st the trigger. I pull it down and kick open the  door. My breathing steadies and my feet rest upon the dirty ground among the car. I climb out and approach the door. The trees are screaming not to do it. That I'll regret it. The contract killer within my home won't fret to pull the trigger before I do. The disgusting man inside my soul will take me out before I can cleanse him. My fingers grab the door and slam it open.

You will regret this.

I break the silence as I swiftly pull the gun to his head and pull the trigger.

One movement.

I laugh to myself and my tears approach slowly again. I look down at him. It's me. What. Who have I been delivering to. Myself. I approach him. Slowly. I hear a car pull up outside. What the hell. It's the police. I tirn and hide th gun behind my back.What's going on. I wait. No sound. The engine stops. I hear the doorknob turn and the door opens. She walks in. Her. The door slams shut behind her and she flicks on the light. We stare eschother in the eyes.

'But' she mutters. 'Y-You were out there! Is that you!?'

I panic I look down being me pull the gun  up in front of me and she freezes. The world stops around me. I lins it up to her head and my shaky finger strangled the trigger and the barrel bursts with rage and confusion. I drop the gun. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Its my fault. It's my fault it's my fault. I drop to my knees and  grab the gun. I hold it to my head and.