My Thoughts

Venom

Poison surges through my veins and I hold back tears in this toxic form of events. Pushed away st my worst. Knife in hand. They took it and turned it against me. She hated every word, every action. Every message I sent. Every time I wanted to see her she has to deal with. She holds it against my throat. I try tell her to pull it closer and yet she stands with it cowering. The dirty condition was brewing sub consciously in the back of my head while I've been encouraging her to push me further and further to the edge. All because I got a little bit curious. I wish I never went to her that night. I wish I stayed inside my room alone and afraid and never felt the comfort she could give just to rip it away.

She always his my sadness whenever anyone else was around. Was she embarrassed that I was upset. Or angry at me. Or did she not care enough to help me instead of hiding it. I never did anything for her. No matter how hard I tried. And when it came to me she just left it. She just left me to Be on my own.

Its been a month and I'm still sat here with the same knife to my neck but I'm holding it and I'm leaning over the edge of a cliff. One wrong move and everything's gone. I feel tempted to pull the knife across and just leap off. Cut the rope holding me up. Ruin there work of keeping me going. It ain't worth sitting here for days waiting for it to go. Even on the days when I try and pull the knife away. I'm only free for hours at a time. I'm afraid to speak a word cause I'll make it worse. I'm nothing but a useless piece of shit. Just cut the fucking rope! Cut it! Let me fall! Just let me go! Let me go...