My Thoughts

Im Going

I'm going. I'm leaving now. I'm going to erase myself so you never have to see me again. I'm going to drop dead on a field of flowers. I'm going to plan my own funeral so you only have to show up. You don't have to come up with a good time. I'll do it for you. In fact I'll lie and make one because I know you never enjoy the times with me. I know you sigh when you see me walk up to you. I know you text other people about how much you hate me. How much you don't want to see me show up in the next day of school. How you make stuff up to make me seem even worse than normal. Even worse than the disgusting person I am.

How do I sleep at night? I don't. Simple answer. I stay awake until I get a message from someone who can be bothered. A message from people who can atleast pretend to make me feel better. But one person truly makes me happy and I dont see her nearly as much as I'd like. I know everyone else hates me because they kick and heckle and laugh at me any chance they get. They cause floods of regret and sadness to fill me body. They break me down inside then break my bones day after day.

Ever blasted music into your ears to drown out the wretched thoughts that are usually playing in your head. On your face your smiling bug behind it is your paranoia and anxiety kicking the back of your face trying to push the tears out the ducts and force a frown on your lips. I have. Too much, far too much. I alwyas get that feeling with her, but i keep a smile and a joke so that she doesnt suspect a thing. Hey, it doesn't matter now i don't need that now. not like she cared in the first place.