My Thoughts

Camera's

I did something illegal. I did something wrong. My head is beating harder than my heart as I sit there pretending to be the victim. I know its my fault. So do they. They're just putting up with me. I sit and tears tumble and tremble in the darkness and the roughness of my skin. My own tears hate me. The camera in the corner turns and locks onto my balling pathetic face. The pain in the back of my head pounds harder and harder. The voices remind me more and more that "Im a horrible person. it's my fault. Why didn't you help! Who are you! Who have you become! Your horrible! You should've tried harder! The depression the anxiety it'd all worse because of you!"

Until silence. And one lonely whisper. One simple request. And yet it'd the hardest thing I've ever had to do. "Please me." I wipe my eyes and push myself up. I grab my pencil and begin to write and draw. And after hours. And hours. I pick it up and show the camera. "Yes! Very good!" The speaker booms. Yet from behind me. "No" I step back toward the voice and pull it toward me. "No, What Is that?! That's horrible!" The tears approach me and the cameras light turns red and flashes. The praise was a lie. Its just trying to make me feel good about myself. "Do better, start again!" I tear the paper in half and pull my previous ideas from the board. I look around for inspiration. The camera had multiplied. Many in each corner staring down at me. Judging. I slam my head down onto the table and let the fear overcome me. Enough. I've had enough.