My Thoughts

Wishing Dead

I hold my middle and forefinger to my head, representing a gun. I throw my hand up. Pshh. I throw my body back onto my bed. My eyes well up with tears and I stare up at the ceiling. I look back at my phone. Nothing. I've been waiting for them To reply. The one that broke the glass cage that kept me trapped. I then my head back to the ceiling and sigh as tears slip down the side of my face and create my own clear pool soaked in the pillows of my one safe Haven. I run my hand down the side of my bed and grab my headphones. I pull them up to my head and place them tightly around my ears. The same few songs play into my brain and allow myself to rest. I crack my knuckles. I don't think she cares enough. The tears keep running, slowly. They get caught on my headphones but slip round the edge and land in the same pure pool as before. I'm alone.

I stare at my phone as message after message pops up.  Asking the wrong questions. Giving the wrong answers. I push it the ground beside me as another burst of tears slips through my eyelids as I hold them as tight as possible. The pool this time isn't as pure but instead is full of anger, sadness, me. I hold the headphones tighter to my head and turn them up. Block it out. Your fine. Stop looking for attention stop seeking it from every poor fool that is willing to give it to you. Stop talking about your problems when there are others who have it worse. Fucking useless! What are you doing! The thoughts creep through and taint my ideas. she doesn't care!My hands tremble and shake as they reach for my phone. I type out two words that I shouldn't be saying but i can't take it.

Help me.