My Thoughts

Cold

I'm sat. My head is empty. My hands are laying on my knees. My eyes lazily placed in my eye sockets lay still. This cold shell I'm stuck in feels numb. Every inch of my body stiff and numb. I feel empty. I can't move. I feel the tears well up in my eyes then jump off my eyelids and trickle down my face eventually dripping off my chin. My hands begin to shake in my lap. I try to move my arm and slowly it drags away from my body. It's so heavy. I'm so tired. My other arm pulls out from the side of me, my hands still shaking.

I place my hands down and push myself back slowly, tears still bundling and jumping. And I slowly lean back until the radiator is digging into the back of my head. Thoughts begin to rush in my head. Ways to rid of the cold numbness. The lonely frostbite I'm stuck in day in and day out. Suddenly these ideas of hurting myself, ending it all, harming every inch of my body until some nerve reacts To make me feel something other than this hellish state. This mentality begins to eat me up until my straight lips drop. I stay there fantasising about this torture for hours. My head rushing from cuts to burns to bridges. The top of buildings and windows and ropes. And then my eyes slowly move and set on a razor I used for shaving a few nights ago. The metal razor blade inside catches my eye and the tears are pouring. I get this energy inside to move to it. This burning all over. I slouch foward and stand slowly. I move over to it and stare for a minute or two. And then. I pick it up.