My Thoughts

Im Not Crying

I sit with my head to the back of the wall swinging it back lightly to try take power over the pain. Create a new pain that overpowers and overrides it. I slam my head back and tears rolls into the front of my eyes. I told them back from falling. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. One. Two. Three. Then out. One. Two. Three. Four. He said it would help. Kind of. But I like my methods. My hand creeps up my sleeves and my nails dig into my skin. I scratch. There go the tears. Gone. My hand comes out of my sleeve. Easy. I'm not crying.

I don't cry. That shows that you have emotion other than happiness but that's not who I am. I'm the kid that's trustful. You can go to me for help no matter what. I'm a good person for advice. I try to make others laugh. I'm loud and obnoxious and that works. I eat quickly and people are surprised. I'm not always hungry. I'm stressed. I'm stressed that I'll lose her or he'll hate me or a certain piece of advice didn't work. The tears come out and my hand shoots up my sleeve and I scratch. I keep scratching. The tears don't leave. They stay. More powerful than before. More join them and j scratch harder. As a tear drops I rip my skin and blood arises. And slides down my arm. Now tear after tear for hours. It's all I feel. It's all I can see. A blurry picture of what was my room. My mum sees me. 'I'm not crying'. She sighs and leaves me to try and resolve my own problem this time instead of others.

I can't.