My Thoughts

alone.

I told my position and my vision goes blurry. The must of the room feels past my nose and the sound of applause fades out as my ears begin to ring. I force a smile and tears well up in my eyes. I fall back onto the box and she begins to speak. I filter it out. I'm bored of it. My vision corrects itself and I can see the faces of them. Every single one. A look of happiness yet I feel as though they're all lying.

One at a time a few of them talk about what me and a few others has managed to pull together. Although I hated it, it seemed positive. Everyone seemed to have found it good. Yet I have this shallow feeling when I walked off the stage. A empty feeling, like I hadn't done anything. Like it was the first time I had moved in weeks. Their words seem to light up their faces when they talk, compliment after compliment and yet i'm still feeling cold. I move away from the group and sit up on the stack of chairs. My elbows drop down to my knees and I held in tears.

Everyone swarms into a circle into the middle of the room. They all pull out there phone's and chatter and bicker over anything they can think of. My eyes well up with tears and I hide my face and wipe them. They come over and pick up a chair and make themselves comfortable in the circle. Ignoring me. I sit with my head swinging down. A slow, continuous motion. They laugh and shout and talk to eachother and I sit here silent, like a ghost. I look up as the drops run down my cheek and drip off my chin. A few glances at me and I force a smile. I scream in my empty wasteland of a skull. My neck stops supporting my head and I reach for my hair, tearing out bunches and bunches of the curly mess.

I drag myself off the chair and dredge my way to my bag. I lift it off the floor and wrap it round my shoulders. I wipe my eyes and my nose with my sleeve and walk back to the door. The bell rings. The door swings open and I push through and feel the fresh air hit my face. The tears well up and my lip quivers. I feel them touch my arm and ask if I'm okay. I nod.  Drop my head. And walk.